Goofy Lowe-down on departure from Dodgers

DUNEDIN, Fla. – Derek Lowe, at his own goofy pace.

"Rápido,'' he says, pulling up his pants as three reporters approach.

"What, uh … '' one reporter begins.

"Whattah? Whattah? I know somebody named Whattah – Mr. and Mrs. Whattah,'' Lowe cracks.

Lowe has just made his spring debut for the Atlanta Braves, pitching two innings against the Toronto Blue Jays. He gave up one run on five hits, striking out three. He answers a couple of questions, then mocks the exercise.

"How do you analyze two innings?'' he says. "I think that's impossible.''

Someone asks him how he feels physically.

"I feel good, yeah, sexy," he says. "Should have seen me in the shower. I want to read that someplace.''

The two Atlanta beat reporters turn to leave.

"Nice job, guys,'' his tone pleasantly sarcastic. "Solid.''

His remaining visitor mentions the company he works for.

Lowe's yodel bounces off the walls of a near-empty clubhouse.

"Yahooooooooo!,'' he yelps.

Why did the Dodgers, who also lost starting pitchers Brad Penny and Greg Maddux, make no attempt to re-sign him?

"I don't know,'' he says. "You've got to answer me that, buddy. They got good young pitching. That could have something to do with it. But I don't know.''

Surely, something must have happened with the Dodgers.

"Nothin', zero," he says. "I really enjoyed it there. We went to them when free agency started. I said I'd be welcome to come back, but they never really seemed like … I don't know.

"I enjoyed playing there. I got along with everybody. Joe [Torre] was great, the coaching staff was great.''

The visitor mentions his offseason wedding to Carolyn Hughes, his girlfriend of more than three years.

"Yeah, it was a good time,'' Lowe says. "I figured I'd try it again. Why not?''

Lowe was married when he met Hughes, a TV reporter who anchored the "Dodger Dugout" show on FSN West. The split with his first wife, Trinka, turned ugly, Hughes was suspended from her Fox assignment in August 2005, and Frank and Jamie McCourt, the image-conscious Dodgers owners, were said to be unhappy with the whole affair. Did that lead to Lowe's departure?

"I don't know if they gave me grief about it, but everyone else gave me grief,'' he says. "I was the grief-meister.

"But believe me, we told them I wanted to stay. People were saying, 'Oh he wants to go east, he wants to go west, he wants to go to Mexico. I think they thought I wanted to leave. I told them, 'Whoever you're hearing that from, it's not accurate. I like it here.'

"But it never got off the ground.''

The Red Sox, the team that he helped pitch to the 2004 World Series title, was a rumored landing spot. "That never got far down the line,'' he says.

"I thought I'd go to the Yankees first, the Phillies, then the Mets. And here we are, in Bravo-land. Bravo-land!

"It was a weird offseason, I'll tell you that. Look what happened to 99 percent of the guys. Certain teams felt like they never had to move [off an offer]. That's a scary thought, when a team feels like it doesn't have to move.''

That's how it went down with the Mets, wasn't it? They offered Lowe a three-year deal for $36 million, then never budged.

"They felt like they never had to do anything,'' he says. "Because they figured no one else was going to do anything.''

By this point, Lowe has made his way out of the clubhouse and into the parking lot. He spots his wife coming out of the exits and breaks into song. Loudly.

"Sexy, oh, baby, those bright eyes,'' he sings.

Hughes laughs. "Say hello to your dad,'' she says.

Lowe reaches over the fence and grabs Don Lowe's scruffy beard.

"I'm gonna hug some ugly,'' he says. "Where'd this come from?''

His father points at the beard Lowe is sporting. "What do you call that?'' he says.

Lowe greets an old friend. "How you been?'' he asks. "All dressed up here. Gotta dress up with Atlanta.''

The Braves tried to swing a trade this winter with San Diego for starter Jake Peavy, but the Padres pulled out. They tried to sign free-agent starter A.J. Burnett but lost him to the Yankees. They showed little interest in Lowe, but when John Smoltz, a Braves lifer, shocked the club by bolting for Boston, they bet the house on Lowe, giving him a four-year, $60 million contract, quite a load for a pitcher who will turn 36 on June 1.

How does he feel about being called the ace of the Braves?

"I don't believe in that, you know that,'' he says. "I understand where they're coming from, but in my opinion, there are very few aces. In this game, people throw around 'aces.' Every team has a No. 1 starter, because someone has to start. You saw Pedro Martinez. That to me is an ace. Roy Halladay. But there are so few guys who are bona fide No. 1 guys. You may pitch opening day, but you're not going to win 25 games. To me, you need five good guys. We added three guys.''

The Braves traded for Javier Vazquez and signed Japanese right-hander Kenshin Kawakami.

"How good are we going to be?'' he says. "Good question. But we'd better be able to pitch, especially in our division.''

Lowe slides into the driver's seat of the SUV, next to Carolyn.

"Got to go,'' he says.

When does he ever stop?