Power Rankings: Nats climb out of cellar
Congrats to the Nats and their fans, who won four baseball games in a row this week, today move out of 30th in the Yahoo power rankings and are not due to have their souls crushed again for a good week and a half, when Strasburg walks. Week 19:
1.New York Yankees (65-42; Previous: 1) – Melky hits for cycle. A-Rod really wishes they'd stop using that word.
2.Los Angeles Angels (63-42; Previous: 3) – Morales ranks ahead of Teixeira in batting, slugging, OPS; Moreno always has preferred generic to name brand.
3.Los Angeles Dodgers (66-42; Previous: 2) – Manny bombs survey test, says he wishes he would have studied harder, knew colleges would be looking at this.
4.Philadelphia Phillies (60-45; Previous: 4) – Pedro ready to go, thinks Lee was also a nice little pickup, could help club, too.
5.Boston Red Sox (62-44; Previous: 5) – Big Papi looking into positive survey test, meantime suggests media go talk to Remy's kid 'cause that right there is just so obvious.
6.Tampa Bay Rays (60-48; Previous: 7) – Rays expertly follow trade deadline plan: Cross fingers, pray Halladay doesn't end up in New York or Boston.
7.San Francisco Giants (60-48; Previous: 8) – Molina batting average, on-base percentage plummet, but believes new Speedo LZR Racer suit could change his game entirely.
8.Colorado Rockies (59-48; Previous: 10) – Fowler, 23, grows an inch since spring training, strike zone sadly has grown four.
9.Texas Rangers (59-47; Previous: 6) – Neftali Feliz(notes) – whose name, incidentally, translates roughly to “merry fastball” – strikes out first four batters of career, is at loss to explain what happened on fifth.
10.St. Louis Cardinals (59-51; Previous: 9) – La Russa and Torre have dinner in St. Louis, Torre strategy of having guy with fewest managerial wins pay backfires for first time.
11.Chicago Cubs (57-49; Previous: 11) – Piniella says Zambrano could help in bullpen. Zambrano says, “I'm not a reliever.” This has absolutely no chance of being an issue, of course.
12.Detroit Tigers (56-50; Previous: 12) – Reporters ask Dontrelle what's up, Dontrelle tells them to ask guys “in the suits.” Presumably, the business suits. Just sayin'.
13.Chicago White Sox (56-52; Previous: 15) – Guillen on Quentin: “He looks like an old drunk.” Quentin response: "I don't look old."
14.Seattle Mariners (56-51; Previous: 13) – Beltre back from surgery and ready for free agency. Stretch drive! Did we say free agency? Meant stretch drive, of course. Whoo, that's kinda funny, right? Free agency, heh-heh. What were we thinking?
15.Florida Marlins (55-52; Previous: 14) – Marlins management chides Cubs by marching billy goat around field, totally amusing the four people in the stands who weren't Cubs fans.
16.Atlanta Braves (55-53; Previous: 17) – Braves protest umpire's fist bump, also unhappy with his snide comments, spit wads and wedgies.
17.Houston Astros (53-55; Previous: 16) – Three-year-old David Norris orders a beer in restaurant, amused parents nickname him Bud, and 20 years later he gets first big-league win at Busch Stadium. Deep down, dad wishes boy had ordered pot roast.
18.Minnesota Twins (53-54; Previous: 18) – Close to losing place in rotation, Liriano climbs mound, chains self to resin bag, plans to survive on Gatorade and sunflower seeds.
19.Milwaukee Brewers (54-54; Previous: 20) – Fielder attempts to storm Dodgers' clubhouse. Clubbies, upon getting word Fielder was being held off by security, admit first thought was, “Hide the buffalo wings!”
20.New York Mets (51-56; Previous: 19) – His work done in North Korea, Clinton travels to faraway Queens, where he negotiates for the release of Wright and Santana, poses for oddly stiff photo beside Omar Minaya.
21.Toronto Blue Jays (51-56; Previous: 21) – Halladay misses good old days when you could get out of Canada with a driver's license and an innocent face.
22. Oakland A's (47-60; Previous: 23) – August is Rickey Henderson month in Oakland, city leaders figure 974 consecutive Jack London months was probably enough.
23.Arizona Diamondbacks (49-59; Previous: 24) – Petit allows late base hit to bare Pirates lineup, saves MLB from instituting minimum standards for no-hitter certification.
24.Cincinnati Reds (46-61; Previous: 22) – Arroyo volunteers to be one of 104, thus taking all the fun out of his name being leaked next season.
25.Cleveland Indians (45-62; Previous: 27) – Victor Martinez(notes) backpack makes handy place to keep Victor Martinez bobblehead. Cool side pocket also not a bad place to store unattended hopes for next several seasons.
26.Pittsburgh Pirates (45-62; Previous: 25) – In under-hyped deal at deadline, Pirates trade ship, eye patch and parrot to Mariners, get compass in return, believe they're now headed in right direction.
27.Baltimore Orioles (45-62; Previous: 26) – Matusz makes Baltimore debut on 18-year anniversary of Mussina debut, coincidentally 10-year anniversary of last time anybody gave O's any thought at all.
28.San Diego Padres (44-65; Previous: 29) – A-Gon sits after playing 314 consecutive games. Some call it a rest, others a pardon.
29.Washington Nationals (36-72; Previous: 30) – Nick Johnson(notes) last of former Expos to go, city of Montreal glad to be done with that nightmare.
30.Kansas City Royals (41-66; Previous: 28) – Hillman a little down; really, really going to miss Paula Abdul.
