Big League Stew

At some point this week, Andruw Jones came to the same conclusion most of us did about him in May April spring training last winter when the Dodgers signed him for two years and $36 million.

He is of absolutely no use.

Jones, who is gimpy, chubby and batting .161/.261/.254 — slugging .254! — was activated from the 15-day disabled list on Monday, but he won't be patrolling center field any time soon for the team in hot lukewarm pursuit of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Jones tells the L.A. Times that he's out for the season.

"This year," Jones says, "it's basically over."

Well, knock me over with a stiff breeze from one of Andruw's numerous strikeouts. He's out for the season? Hasn't that been the case all season? He's not only late on the fastball, he's behind the curve on his own status as well. Why is this not surprising?

After the jump, find one of the best photos of the year — a gaggle of Los Angelenos, watching, judging — look at the baby! look at the baby! — as Andruw trudges back to the dugout (again). Read More >>

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I have to be honest: The thought of the Astros and playoffs appearing in the same sentence pretty much left my mind when the Cubs and Cardinals got off to strong starts in the NL Central.

What's more is that when the Brewers rebounded from a poor start to become bona fide postseason contenders, it took Shawn Chacon choking Ed Wade (and later Wade's deadline delusion) to even remember Houston had a MLB team.

(Hey, it's the six-team NL Central, you can't mind 'em all, can you?)

I only bring this up because I just received an email from a guy named Ed Wade "Tank" who insists the 'Stros are still alive in the wild card chase. Quite frankly, this came news to me.

Writes Tank:

"While I sit at work when I should be working, I read anything and everything sports. At home I watch sports and SC. But everywhere I look, I don't see credit where credit is due: How 'bout them ‘Stros?

"They won the series with the Reds by winning two out of three. Then they SWEPT a tough Cardinals team. And then last night Randy Wolf pitched a full game to cap of a sweep of the first-place Cubs at Wrigley Field.

"But so far... still no love. All I see is A-Rod this, A-Rod that. Why no love? The Astros are 6.5 games behind the Brewers for the wild card. Sure, Carlo Lee is out, but Ty Wiggington has done a superb job covering. Our bench has come in and done damage. So why no love? Today they have a well deserved day off then start a three-game series at Colorado. Afterwards they will play Pittsburgh at home, then the Cubs. They are still in the wild card race. So why no love?"

Tank is right. The 'Stros have put on a nice little run here and became the only team to sweep the Cubs at Wrigley Field this season. With 74 wins, they already have one more victory than '07. Maybe the future doesn't look that terrible for the team. 

But to suggest a team is still in the wild card race when they're 6.5 behind Milwaukee (with Philadelphia and St. Louis in front of them, no less) with 22 games to go doesn't seem like it should warrant much "love." In the middle of a pennant race, should we be handing out "job well done" stickers for the teams chasing after the postseason train though it's already left the platform?

What do you think?

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As teams fall by the wayside and can no longer bank on the longest of mathematical odds to win their division, the Stew will be there to document their expiration with The Nail in the Coffin. Fourth in the ground are the Cincinnati Reds, who didn't have a prayer once Dusty Baker was hired to manage them (now did they?)

However, it should be noted that for a bottom-feeding team, the Reds certainly pulled their weight in the blogosphere.   So it is with deep sorrow that we remember the '08 Reds with the official death notice below.

In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the Ken Griffey Jr. Gambling Debt fund, preferably in pennies. Luncheon at Steve's Lounge to follow the service.

The 2008 Cincinnati Reds

Time of death: Sept. 3 after 6-5 loss to Pittsburgh

Causes: NL-worst .246 team batting average, confusing Volquez and Cueto for the workhorses previously named Wood and Prior, jettisoning Adam Dunn and Ken Griffey Jr. as if they were anywhere near the team's two biggest problems, continuing to employ brain-damaged mascot on ATV, continuing to employ old coot named Franchester as announcer

PECOTA projection: 79 Current pace: 71

Moments in the Sun: Team introduces female mascot so sexy she drives local newsman into lust-driven maniacs; Dunn's honor protected by prank phone call to J.P. Ricciardi; Bronson Arroyo does best Jack Black impression while pitching BBQ burgers

Moment of Despair: The Kid says hasta la vista after nearly a decade of playoff-less baseball by throwing a throat slash gesture toward Jeff Brantley; The Mulleted One redefines foot-in-mouth disease just moments before Edwin Encarnacion smacks game-winning HR. 

Others remember: "We had high expectations for the 2008 season. Unfortunately the team has not played up to our expectations and we have sustained injuries to key players within our starting lineup and rotation. The vast majority of our 50 draft picks were signed, culminating last week with first-rounder Yonder Alonso and a pair of talented pitchers. We ask your continued trust and patience as we build the roster that will get us back on top. We appreciate your support and look forward to seeing you at the ballpark." — Bob Castellini and Walt Jocketty, Aug. 19 letter

Survived by: Wayne Krivsky's Tommy Bahama shirt, Jay Bruce's promise, Jay Bruce's girlfriend, More Cowbell, Chad Ocho Cinco

Death watch (w/elimination #s): Baltimore (3), Atlanta (4) Oakland (4)

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Look, I have no idea why you'd celebrate a Cubs' win* by reciting some slam poetry and then jumping over a truck with a motocross bike in some random field. But I suppose it's better than marking a win by singing 'Go Cubs Go' with 25,000 tourists and/or peeing in someone's front yard.

In good Cubs news (and can't we all use a little bit of it right now?), Ryan Dempster donated the $7,500 he was awarded for being a recipient of the Roberto Clemente Award to Chicago Canine Rescue, the very same animal shelter I adopted my dog from.

In related news, my dog has started talking about Dempster's candidacy for Cy Young even more often than she already has been. 

*Or a Bears Super Bowl season, for that matter. 

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Here's an illuminating lesson in perspective.

Here in Chicago, we followers of Les Cubs are not doing a very good job of convincing everyone else that we're not panicking in the midst of this five-game losing streak and vague injury news with Carlos Zambrano and Rich Harden. This despite losing absolutely no ground to the Brewers over that same span and being as close a lock to make the postseason as you can get.

Meanwhile, over in Philadelphia, the city I consider to be Chicago's jerk cousin (and I mean that in a good, affectionate way), they're handling things a little better, despite the higher odds stacked against them. After dropping 2 of 3 to the Nats and then watching the Mets sweep the Brewers, the Phillies are now three games behind New York heading into the final three-game series between the two teams this weekend.

Obviously, the Fightins' should have a lot more to be worried about — at least in the short-term. But their current mood, one of guarded glass-half-full optimism is interesting, if only because it is borne out of 3-4 weeks last fall, when the Mets pulled one of the all-time choke jobs in MLB history and the Phillies took advantage. While they're worried about having to pay full attention to the Eagles full-time in the near future, there's also an overriding sense of 'we've got them right where we want them.' Silly or not, you have to love that. 

As for the Cubs, I don't suppose we need to mention why the glass is leaking in Wrigleyville.

For a roundup of the Phils' mindset heading into this make-or-break series with the Metropolitans, follow the jump: Read More >>

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As someone who's sleptwalk his way into any number of hotel closets, nightstands and television cabinets, my initial impulse is to believe Jason Giambi's explanation for the gash he's sporting above his right eye these days.

But as someone who's been entertained by Brian Griese "tripping over his dog" and Brandon Marshall "slipping on a McDonalds bag and putting his arm through a TV," I want to believe it's a ridiculous excuse to cover up for something even more ridiculous. Oh, the feelings of confliction.

From the New York Post: 

"I would like to have something to tell you, something like a fight or anything else," Giambi said. "But it was nothing like that. I walked into the bathroom door at the hotel and split it open."

The cut resembled a gash a boxer would get during a fight, but didn't keep Giambi out of the lineup.

"There was so much blood the maid probably was wondering where the body was hid," said Giambi.

Anyone have any theories how that gash might have gotten there? Beer pong battle gone wrong? Tripping over a crack in the sidewalk while reading the requirement for the Robert Goulet 'stached award?  A pregame Battle Royale with the Hulkster himself? 

A shame we can't go to the replay on this one.

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From the home office in Santa Monica., here are the top 10 excuses Cubs right-hander Carlos Zambrano might have offered for missing a scheduled MRI on his possibly ailing right arm:

10. Had to rush to Xcel Center in St. Paul for Gov. Sarah Palin's speech at Republican National Convention. "Rudy wouldn't hold our seats forever. And me and Blanco wanted to hear what the lady has to say."

9. Took the advice of authorities to an extreme and evacuated as a precaution against the remnants of Hurricane Gustav, which hit Chicago early Thursday.

8. A bilingual speaker with solid English skills, Zambrano still got "totally mixed-up" because "MRI" in Spanish is "IRM."

7. Had to get home in time for cable guy. "It's been out for, like, two weeks. I'm behind on 'The Hills,' man."

6. Bribed little-used right-hander Michael Wuertz to stand in for him at "MRI place" but dope went to the wrong address. "I made a note to 'Z': Get Samardzija next time. He'll know what I mean. He went to Notre Dame."

5. Believed MRI from June was "good enough."

4. Had conflicting appointment to compete against 6-year-old nephew in "Guitar Hero" contest.

3. Said Chuck Norris touched his arm and made it better.

2. Refused to miss real-time text from brother in Venezuela concerning critical off-season news of Real Madrid soccer. "MRI machine is always messing with my bars."

1. Five words: Attending physician Dr. Michael Barrett.

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Five quick links to start your day ... 

1. Because three straight not-awful starts by Carl Pavano will even make a marooned and thirsty man an optimist.

From The Pride of the Yankees:

It's not entirely impossible, is it? (Okay, it probably is).

But after three wins in a row, the Yanks are now only two games behind the Twins for second in the wild card race. And they have three more games against the Red Sox, whom they still trail by seven. If they can actually beat the Angels for once (three games next week), they might be in decent shape come that final season series with the Sox. (Have we ever mentioned we consider ourselves optimists?)

Crazy, yes? But let's allow the Yankees fans out there a few more gasps of fresh air. [NJ.com]

2. The NY Post estimates that businesses near Yankee Stadium could lose as much as $141 million with the Yankees missing the playoffs this season. Of course, it's not possible to feel sorry for these people, seeing as how they've had many an October of rolling around in money. [UATG]

3. Why Hawk Harrelson and Ozzie Guillen should snap out of their usual "Oh, woe is we, we're playing the Twins" moping. [Sox Machine]

4. Blogger says that Progressive Field-streaking squirrel was actually September callup Rich Rundles. Would any of us, including Eric Wedge, know any different? [The Dave Burba Revolution]

5. Ex-Leafs goalie Curtis Joseph gets better reception at Rogers Centre than debut of Blue Jays super prospect Travis Snider. Broadcaster says Jays fans should be "ashamed" of themselves. In other news, hockey pucks are black, skate blades are sharp. [Out Of Left Field]

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This and every weekday a.m., let's rise and shine together for the best in vengeful re-enactments of the 1991 ALCS. Today's Roll Call starts in a place U.S. Marshals can go only with a Mountie's permission, Canada, where the Blue Jays continue to make the Twins' extended vacation kind of upsetting.

Game of the Day: Blue Jays 5, Twins 4 (11 inn.)

To err is Twinkie: The Killebrews strand 13 runners and make three errors, including a crucial one in the ninth by Jason "Not Too" Pridie, to help the Jays tie the score against Joe Nathan. It's not all his fault, and no one is calling for Mike Trombley, except for me, but Nathan has blown three saves in his past four outings. "This will turn around," Nathan says. If you will it, Dude, it is no dream. Theodore Herzl.

First man of Canada: John McDonald, whose name is awfully similar to that of Canada's first prime minister, slapped home the game-winner over the glove of goalie Denard Span. His effort dropped the Twins to 5-8 on their Right-Wing Swing through North America.

Must... get... to bed: Every road ends, except for them traffic circles. One more game, plus a speech from John McCain, and the Twins can go home. And not terribly far from first place, either.

Pop a cork in 'em: Should the White Sox hang on to win the AL Central, Nick Swisher should send a case of champagne to the Jays, who have beaten the Twins seven straight. It's not like there's a rule against such gifting or anything.

* * *

Feelin' Rundown (the balance of Wednesday's baseball bank account):Read More >>

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