Double the wardrobe! Chewing gum commercials! The ability to switch dates after a trip to the restroom!
Also: Sending your brother to fight a celebrity boxing match that you're no longer interested in entering!
OK, maybe forget about that last one: Jose Canseco (right) reportedly tried it over the weekend down in Miami and Ozzie Canseco — his 46-year-old twin brother previously best known to baseball fans for this baseball card and 65 career at-bats with the A's and Cardinals— ended up fooling nobody. The scheduled fight with Billy Padden never went down and the Miami Herald reports that Ozzie left the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino escorted by police officers.
This was only after Celebrity Boxing officials say they didn't notice that it was Ozzie — he of zero career homers to his brother's 462 — who was wearing a simple disguise of sunglasses and a T-shirt at Friday's weigh-in event.
So how did they ultimately uncover the Cansecos' caper on Saturday night?
"We discovered the Canseco who showed up was Ozzie when he took off his shirt and didn't have José's tattoos on the biceps that appear in our advertising," a Celebrity Boxing representative told El Nuevo Herald. [...]
José Canseco did not respond to telephone calls.
As is his usual custom these days, Jose Canseco has taken to Twitter— well, at least we presume it's him tapping away 140 characters at a time — to present his side of the story. He said on Saturday night that Celebrity Boxing promoter Damon Feldman didn't fulfill his end of the bargain, an allegation that an unidentified source denied to the Miami Herald. (The source told the paper that Jose Canseco was paid his agreed-upon $10,000 fee in two separate installments.)
Jose Canseco continued his tweeting on Monday morning, claiming the media was out to get him and that the real story was not out in the public. But instead of shedding some more light on the situation, Canseco only made an appeal to his followers for an explanation of why Jose and Ozzie might start playing The Parent Trap in a boxing ring.
"Is anyone out there smart enough to figure it out or are you all a bunch of hateful morons," Jose asked on Twitter.
No, we're probably not smart enough to "figure out" Jose's latest nutty scheme gone wrong on a long list of them.
We're not above laughing at a twin switcheroo gone bad, either.
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