Tue May 04 09:51am EDT
Why, that lucky son of a gunderson.
Not only did teen pop sensation Justin Bieber throw out the first pitch at Monday night's White Sox-Royals game, the little so-and-so caught a foul ball — on a bounce into his suite — off the bat of Chicago slugger Paul Konerko(notes) in the third inning.
If you're still not sure who Bieber is, first of all, good for you. Here's all you really need to know: He's like, baby, baby, baby. Oh, like, baby, baby, baby. No, like, baby, baby, baby.
Get the idea?
The 16-year-old Canadian, a one-kid boy band with indestructible hair, had the baseball experience of a lifetime Monday night. Do you have any idea how many times I have never thrown out the first pitch of a game and also not caught a foul ball? And I've been to, I don't know, trillions of games. How many has Bieber been to? Does he even know who Vernon Wells(notes) is?
Bieber said on Facebook he gave the ball to a fan — aww! — and that he was excited to go on Oprah on Tuesday. Who can't relate to this kid's life?
"Today was epic...I love Chicago. Went to the White Sox game and got to throw out the first pitch...but the cool part was I caught a foul ball. NO LIE. gave it to a fan. Had a lot of fun. OPRAH TOMORROW!!"
I actually attended the game with loyal Stewie @eyebleaf — a.k.a. Navin Vaswani — who is touring 30 ballparks in 60 days. Well, imagine Navin's good fortune, being a native of Toronto and bumping into fellow countryman Bieber at U.S. Cellular Field.
I, however, remain unimpressed. Below, a critique of Bieber's first pitch.:
If it looks like he's checking himself out on the JumboTron that's because he is! He looked up at the TV a total of six times before he finally fired off a pitch.
The only thing he did more than check himself on TV was pull up his pants. These kids today, and you probably know, either wear jeans three sizes too big, or no belt, or both.
Do you think Mark Buerhle has all day, kid?
After shaking Buehrle off twice — even though he gave no signs — Bieber lets it fly.
He made it 60 feet, 6 inches, if juuuust a bit outside.
Of course the pants won't stay up. Oh, I almost forgot. He, like, totally balked too. Watch the tape. He comes set, then re-sets his feet on the rubber. Total rookie FAIL.
Buehrle's like, "Jeez, youngster, maybe you should use all the change in your pockets to buy a belt at the Woolworth's."
"How'd I do, Adult Handler Guy?"
— "You're the new Johnny Bravo, kid! Pants fit perfectly."
A foul ball. ... Can you believe it? I am so sure. Overall, Bieber did OK.
He's still no Avril Lavigne, though.