As teams fall by the wayside and can no longer bank on the longest of mathematical odds to win their division, the Stew will be there to document their expiration with The Nail in the Coffin. Third in the ground are the Washington Nationals, whose state funeral would have been viewed by thousands, if only they had known what channel or station to find it.

So it is with deep sorrow that we remember the '08 Nationals with the official death notice below. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the Let Teddy Win movement. Luncheon at Steve's Lounge to follow the service.

The 2008 Washington Nationals

Time of death: Sept. 2, after 4-0 loss to Philadelphia 

Causes: Starting season with defining moment from Mr. Walkoff and plummeting from there; Rising star spends part of year serving community service while cleaning zoo stalls; You'd play like the First Ladies, too, if the only place your games could be found was MASN2.  

PECOTA projection: 72 wins  Current pace: 62

Moment Week in the Sun: Mr. Dukes becomes Mr. Walkoff Walk, Cristian Guzman collects a cycle.

Moment of Despair: Debating over whether or not to invite that guy a lot of people don't like for the Opening Night festivities, Fan waiting an inning-and-a-half in line at Ben's Chili Bowl, only to be told they were out of half-smokes, Watching as mascot dresses as (and emulates) dreadlocked opponent

Others remember: "Progress is great, Manny, but just try not to win too many more (remember: Worst-Place, #1 pick is the goal!)" — Nationals Enquirer

Survived by: Aaron Crow, Stan Kasten's attention span (barely), Jim Bowden's Segway, Sarah Palin

Death watch (w/elimination #s): Cincinnati (1) Baltimore (4) Oakland (4)

Related: The Nail In The Coffin