December 13, 2011
Scott Boras has put his voluminous ode to Prince Fielder's abilities out on the street and ESPN's Jerry Crasnick has the details. "Encased in a silver aluminum antimicrobial binder," Crasnick writes, Boras' report contains 73 pages that detail the top career achievements of his top free agent. The book's nine sections are so exhaustive and laudatory that Fielder even found a spot for them in the man cave where he keeps his awards at home.
"I figure if we made it into his man cave, it held high standards," [Boras told Crasnick].
That the super agent would put together an impressive book touting the former Milwaukee Brewers slugger as a homer-hitting mixture of Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron does not come as a surprise. Boras turns into hosannah-heralding author every winter as he aims to show his clients that he's pulling out every stop in trying to land the biggest deal possible.
What is surprising, though, are some of the "facts" that we uncovered as Boras and Fielder chase the 10 years and $254 million that an older Albert Pujols was guaranteed by the Los Angeles Angels last week.
And by "facts," we of course mean things we completely made up in the boastful spirit of Boras' annual keister-kissing session. Check them out below, then take a stab at some of your favorite "facts" in the comment section below:
10. Happily turns off his Words With Friends games when asked on the team charter.
9. Math scores in the Milwaukee public school district experienced a sharp increase from 2007 to 2011 as students were eager to calculate Fielder's OPS+, VORP and WAR.
8. Yes, his "Beast Mode" gesture was quite popular last October. But did you know that Fielder actually created "Monsters Inc." and several other popular Pixar films?
7. As well as 17 new types of cheese since he stepped foot in Wisconsin?
6. Owns an incomparable sense of balance, as this famous photo so clearly proves:
5. While simultaneously hosting a killer party, he also called plays for Aaron Rodgers during the Green Bay Packers' triumph over Pittsburgh in Super Bowl XLV.
4. Refusal to select hometown favorite Justin Upton for the Home Run Derby in Phoenix shows a deep conviction to stand behind his beliefs, even if they're unpopular.
3. Doesn't think of himself as "fat," rather "more to love get hit by a pitch."
2. Willing to help one of the owner's rich buddies finally unload that upside-down mansion he's been trying to sell since the housing market collapsed.
1. The performance-enhancing drug that Ryan Braun reportedly tested positive for was actually the aura of being associated with Fielder for the past five seasons.