So you're Ozzie Guillen and the White Sox. You've scored 12 runs in your last seven games. You're two games under .500 after leading the AL Central for most of April. You're fresh off an extended swearfest in which you called the White Sox Chicago's "bitch."
So what do you do?
Well, what else? You stock the clubhouse with slump-busting blow-up dolls and strategically-placed bats. Then, when female members of the media complain, you act surprised and shocked that anyone might find that offensive. Yeah, it's pretty much the next logical step of a sinking baseball team.
Yeah, it's right there in the textbook, which is why Guillen won't apologize.
If anyone was offended by the White Sox having a pair of inflatable dolls surrounded by bats and a sign encouraging players to "push" in their clubhouse before Sunday's game in Toronto, don't expect an apology from manager Ozzie Guillen.
"I'm sure it wasn't done to disrespect anyone," Guillen said Monday. "Everyone in the clubhouse, 100 percent of the people in the clubhouse, they are 18 years old and that's a private thing. If the players do it in the dugout so everyone in the public could see it, or did it in the hotel lobby . . . we did it in the clubhouse. A lot of worse things happen in the clubhouse. I don't really know why people are making it a big deal. If people got their feelings hurt because of that . . . they don't really know much about baseball."
Ozzie has a point with that last sentence. The baseball clubhouse is not a Fortune 500 board room. Never has been. Never will be. Baseball players are always going to have their frathouse fun and there's nothing wrong with that.
If the players were taunting the female media members with the dolls, that'd be one thing. Having them sitting in a corner is quite another. Is it really all that different from sitting in a bar and watching a roving bachelor or bachelorette party coming through with the inflatable favors?
Still, for a guy that loves to moan about how the Sox get no respect and that no one takes them seriously, you'd think Ozzie would pick his places and battles a little better. I know no one tells Ozzie what to do or where to do, but he has to be a little smarter when it comes to things like this.