Big League Stew - MLB

Being a major league ballplayer can be a hazardous occupation. Not only because baseballs scream along going 100 mph, or because oversized maple splinters tumble uncontrollably toward vulnerable fielders.

Sometimes, a guy can't jump out of the dugout to celebrate with his teammates without breaking a toe.

That's what happened to Cubs right-hander Ryan Dempster(notes), who could be out a month after snagging — and breaking — his right big toe on a dugout railing after the last out of Sunday's victory against the Brewers at Wrigley Field.

Dempster was supposed to start Tuesday night's game against the Braves, but instead was put on the 15-day disabled list because of a non-displaced fracture that probably also will cost him a toenail.

From Hardball: 

"It's a weird thing," Dempster said.

No kidding. Dempster's is not the weirdest baseball trauma ever — the Rockies' Dustan Mohr injured a calf muscle similarly four years ago — but it does place Dempster in a pantheon of players who hurt themselves oddly.

With that, here are several of the more-infamous baseball player injuries of the recent past:

Glenallen Hill, "Spider-man," 1990: The granddaddy longlegs of them all. An arachnophobe, the Blue Jays outfielder suffered cuts and bruises during a sleepwalk in which he dreamed he was being chased by spiders.

Chris Brown, "By an Eyelash," 1989: Many of us have "slept funny" and woken up with a sore neck or back, but the Tigers infielder broke the mold when one of his eyes became infected after he, well, slept on it funny. Considered kind of wimpy during his playing days, Brown actually went to work driving a truck in Iraq for Halliburton — one of the world's more dangerous jobs. He died in a mysterious fire in 2006.

Vince Coleman, "Tarp Monster!" 1985: Gruesomely, the Cardinals speedster suffered cuts and chipped bone in his leg — not to mention relative terror — after being attacked by a tarp machine in St. Louis during the NLCS.

Sammy Sosa, "Nothing to Sneeze at," 2004: A deep sneeze — no, really — caused the Cubs outfielder to be sidelined with a pulled muscle in his back.

Carlos Zambrano, "Overloaded Inbox," 2005: Missing his family back in Venezuela during 2005, the emotional right-hander spent 4-5 hours a day on the computer e-mailing his folks and strained his right elbow.

Joel Zumaya, "Strumming His Pain," 2006: Another e-injury with a "Z" pitcher occurred when the Tigers' reliever hurt his right wrist and arm playing too much Guitar Hero. He had to be shelved for three games during the ALCS.

Adam Eaton, "Adult-Proof Packaging," 2001: Long before he was feeling Brotherly Love, the Padres right-hander missed a start after stabbing himself in the stomach with a pocket knife trying to open a package of DVDs.

David Wells, "Vintage Slapstick," 2004: Cost himself a $1-million bonus after horsing around at home, knocking over a bottle of wine, bracing his fall with his hands and severing a tendon in his right wrist.

Steve Sparks, "Yell 'Ow!' Pages," 1994: Inspired by a motivational speaker, the Brewers knuckleballer dislocated his left shoulder by ripping the Phoenix phonebook in half.

Marty Cordova, "Sun Worshipper," 2002: A tanning session gone wrong burned the Orioles' outfielder's face, causing him to miss a few games.

Jeff Kent, "Evil Kentievel," 2002: After injuring his wrist popping a wheelie on his motorcycle — a violation of the contract he signed with the Giants — Kent concocted a story that he fell off his pickup truck while washing it. Some old-fashioned reporting blew his fraudulent cover.

Clint Barmes, "The Deer Eater," 2005: Fell and broke his collarbone — costing himself three months of the season — trying to lug a package of frozen venison given to him by teammate Todd Helton(notes). Barmes made up a cover story for Helton's sake, he said, but cracked under the pressure and eventually spilled the truth beans.

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30 Comments

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  1. GOBREWERS!!
    1. Posted by GOBREWERS!! Wed Jul 08, 2009 12:07 pm EDT

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    1st!!!!!!!!
  2. badsadmadam
    2. Posted by badsadmadam Wed Jul 08, 2009 12:11 pm EDT

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    1st is the worst second is the best
  3. justjc
    3. Posted by justjc Wed Jul 08, 2009 12:26 pm EDT

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    Awful lot of Cubs on the list.
  4. gwc3
    4. Posted by gwc3 Wed Jul 08, 2009 12:30 pm EDT

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    What about Brandon Inge pulling an oblique while adjusting the pillows in bed?
  5. Mat M
    5. Posted by Mat M Wed Jul 08, 2009 12:37 pm EDT

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    It's funny that you don't buy the lame excuses given for some of these, and then just assume that Big-Z wasn't pounding Little Z too much in 2005.
  6. jamdubs
    6. Posted by jamdubs Wed Jul 08, 2009 12:51 pm EDT

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    Or what about John Smoltz burning himself while ironing with his shirt ON?
  7. mikey
    7. Posted by mikey Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:02 pm EDT

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    hi i like pie
  8. mikey
    8. Posted by mikey Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:03 pm EDT

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    i hate the brew crew
  9. cpass
    9. Posted by cpass Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:03 pm EDT

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    John Smoltz has said multiple times that the ironing story is an urban legend, the source of which remains unknown.
  10. Kate K
    10. Posted by Kate K Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:05 pm EDT

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    You forgot about a most likely sloshed Hunter Pence slamming into a closed glass door.
  11. rs_board_monster
    11. Posted by rs_board_monster Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:49 pm EDT

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    Cubs - - - - just the name makes you laugh!
  12. capttoto
    12. Posted by capttoto Wed Jul 08, 2009 2:39 pm EDT

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    I believe Gary Pettis got "Nintendo thumb".
  13. NY SUX
    13. Posted by NY SUX Wed Jul 08, 2009 3:02 pm EDT

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    Vote for Pablo.
  14. Bomber
    14. Posted by Bomber Wed Jul 08, 2009 5:08 pm EDT

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    Wade Boggs pulled a back muscle putting on cowboy boots!
  15. lman12
    15. Posted by lman12 Wed Jul 08, 2009 5:44 pm EDT

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    Dempster = douche
  16. Rally
    16. Posted by Rally Wed Jul 08, 2009 7:50 pm EDT

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    Best is Coleman eaten by the tarp machine--it's a baseball-related injury!
  17. miker
    17. Posted by miker Wed Jul 08, 2009 9:30 pm EDT

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    I was at the game where Coleman got run into by the tarp machine ... wasn't funny ... he and Ozzie Smith were the teams spark plugs !!!
  18. born in norcal
    18. Posted by born in norcal Thu Jul 09, 2009 12:58 am EDT

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    When Jeff Kent played for the LA Dogheads,he'd have Meltdown Bradley wash his truck AND his ASS for him.
  19. Geoff D
    19. Posted by Geoff D Thu Jul 09, 2009 7:21 am EDT

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    take your other teams and stick them up your ass.
  20. Eric S
    20. Posted by Eric S Thu Jul 09, 2009 11:05 am EDT

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    They ought to make a poll from these stories and have us vote on the best one.
  21. Five_outs
    21. Posted by Five_outs Thu Jul 09, 2009 3:00 pm EDT

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    Did this injury happened at Urine Field(Wrigley)? i remember when Sammy Steroid would hit head head on the cement roof on the dugout as he was entering. What a fck'in teeeeeeeeerd
  22. soldaderyan
    22. Posted by soldaderyan Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:39 pm EDT

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    Lol Zumaya got injured playing Guitar Hero thats my fav
  23. Ellen N
    23. Posted by Ellen N Thu Jul 09, 2009 8:20 pm EDT

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    How 'bout when Clemens injured his finger taking his suitcase out of the trunk?
  24. Shawn C
    24. Posted by Shawn C Thu Jul 09, 2009 10:32 pm EDT

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    Boggs said he hurt himself putting on cowboy boots, but the truth was later revealed it was a 'Margo'-induced Malady. Still, the best ever remains Hill's spider dance in the dark.
  25. Mat M
    25. Posted by Mat M Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:27 am EDT

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    Where's JD Drew? Besides constantly being injured, didn't he lacerate his scalp with the button of his cap while jumping during pregame warmups while playing for the Braves?

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