Big League Stew - MLB

This and every weekday a.m., let's rise and shine together with the most recent and decent major league happenings. Today's Roll Call starts in New York, where the Gotham can swallow you whole if you're not careful. Felix Hernandez knows what it's like to be flying high in April and shot down in May. Let this be a cautionary tale in case YOU plan on visiting Metropolis.

Game of the Day: Mariners 5, Mets 2

Dearest Sir: Compliments of the season to you! Please allow me to introduce you to Mr. KING Felix Hernandez of the EMERALD CITY, a Right-Handed pitcher (RHP) for the Se-attle Mariners Base-Ball Club (TM) . I am writing in Respect to the Grandslamhomerun Mr. Hernandez hit ,that which scored Four (4) runs (USD) against the Very Respected Johan Santana Left-hand Pitcher (LHP) of the Nine Mets Squadron.

Fellow citizen: However, it also saddens me to also Report that Mr. Hernandez, like Mr. Santana a Resident of Venezuela, injured his Left ankle covering the Home Base and retired for the Night in the Fifth (5th) Inning. Mr. Santana, because of an error by Thirdbasemen (3BM) Mr. David wright of the U.S. ,allowed one (1) Earned run for Mr. Jerry Manuel, the Nine Mets Head Coach Who Gained power in bloodless coup against a Mr. Willie Randolph.

Kindness to you: I got your email while searching Privately for a Base Ball oriented party of interest. For more information on This Base-Ball game, a Unique opportunity which included the first Grandslamhomerun by a American League (AL) pitcher in thirty-seven (37) years (USD), please write me at my Private email Account. Mr. King Felix Hernandez plans to make his next Start, but will not be released to do so without your Checking Account number. Good Day!

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Feelin Rundown (Monday's other games):

Brewers 4, Braves 1 — Ned Yost didn't even warm up anyone to relieve Ben Sheets, who pitched a four-hitter, had no walks and needed 106 pitches to finish (well, SURE — Chipper was sitting out). Yost was asked if Sheets might start the All-Star Game for the NL and he answered in affirmative that Sheets was the best pitcher in the majors. Bobby Cox said Sheets had the game's best curve; both managers confirmed Milwaukee had the finest cheese in any division, that Wisconsin bratwurst was the best "wurst," and that "Happy Days" jumped the shark when Fonzie jumped the shark.

D-backs 2, Red Sox 1Dan Haren and Josh Beckett definitely went for ice cream after this one. "He's a great pitcher," Haren said of Beckett. "I got to meet him last year at the All-Star game, and he's a nice guy. He was probably the guy I talked most to. He's got unbelievable stuff. When you ask guys in here, they haven't seen much stuff like that." Conversely, Beckett said of Haren: "He's tough. It doesn't matter who he's pitching against. There are a few pitchers in the big leagues today that I enjoy watching and pitching against ... Haren's obviously one of them."

Royals 8, Rockies 4 — Should the Royals just move to the NL? Mike Aviles has nine doubles already. KC has Ramirez flexibility; Horatio (Caine!) relieved Brian Bannister, and when that didn't go so great, Trey Hillman turned to Ramon, who finished off the Rox.

Angels 3, Nationals 2John Lackey lowered his ERA to 1.65, which is just too low. The guy's not Bob Gibson, for cry-aye. The Nats continue to soil the franchise that produced Bryn Smith.

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Photo of the Day: Work of the Demon Barber

Fresno State's Kris Tomlinson, a Klingon refugee who was rescued from the Khitomer Massacre, stands attentively during the playing of the Federation Anthem before his team took the field in the College World Series 

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Fantasy Freaks

Haren (D-backs) 7 IP, 2 H, BB, 5 K, Win, Oreo Blizzard

Beckett (Red Sox) 8 IP, 5 H, 2 ER, 2 BB, 8 K, Peanut Buster Parfait

Sheets (Brewers) 9 IP, 4 H, ER, 7 K, Win

Lackey (Angels) 8 IP, 6 H, ER, 2 BB, 6 K, Win

Francisco Rodriguez (Angels) IP, BB, 3 K, Save (#31)

Jason Bergmann (Gnats) 7 IP, 6 H, ER, BB, 6 K, Loss

Santana (Mets) 7 IP, 7 H, ER, 2 BB, 4 K

NASCAR's Buddy Carlyle (Braves) 4 1/3 IP, 2H, BB, 4 K

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Fantasy Flakes

Jeff Francis (Rockies) 4 1/3 IP, 7 H, 7 ER, 3 BB, 3 K

Eric Byrnes (D-backs) 0-5, K

Jeff Francoeur (Braves) 0-3, K, .243 BA

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Words of Mouth

"It's not something we're used to." — Hillman, on Kansas City hitting three home runs in one game.

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