Big League Stew - MLB

Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is under the impression that his team's new Miami ballpark should be a work of high art. As such, the spendthrift art-loving millionaire has somehow convinced Miami-Dade County officials to come along for the ride, approving $5.3 million in public arts projects for the bagel slicer of a park, which is scheduled to open in 2012.

The tentative centerpiece of the ballpark exhibit would be a Red Grooms-designed home run signal — watch it here! — that would feature jumping marlins and flying pelicans, all for the estimated price ($2.3 million) of what the team paid Ricky Nolasco(notes) in 2009.  

From the Sun-Sentinel:

"Although still conceptual, the piece, expected to be 50 feet to 60 feet tall, is signature Grooms — bright pink, blue, aqua, orange, and lots of moving parts. It's like an arcade game rising from a pool of Grooms-designed water and dotted with clouds, pelicans and seagulls. Marlins will jump and laser lights will shine.

"'You will know you are seeing a work of art in our stadium in Miami,' said Michael Spring, director of Miami-Dade's department of cultural affairs."

From the eyes of this beholder, my first thought is that this is like nothing I've ever seen at a ballpark (though the concept reminds me of The Beatles Rock Band trailer ). It's even trippier than those freakishly weird statues at Nationals Park and it should come with a warning for pregnant women, those with weak hearts and baseball purists everywhere. 

My second thought is that this monstrosity belongs nowhere near a Major League ballpark.

(A Baz Luhrmann movie, maybe ... but definitely not a ballpark.)

A big BLS head nod to The Mets Police for the redirect

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