Jim Leyland has some uncomfy news about Carlos Guillen

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Well, whaddya know? Turns out that Carlos Guillen and I have something in common after all.

Yes, like me, the Detroit Tigers' current third baseman would prefer that Jim Leyland be the person to let the world in on the little secret that he's battling hemorrhoids.

From the Detroit Free Press:

"He can hardly move — he's got hemorrhoids so bad. He's been playing with hemorrhoids that probably need to be lanced. He probably shouldn't have been out there (third base on Monday) ... he could hardly walk."

Yikes ... and here we thought that playing for the Tigers was embarrassing enough.

Meanwhile, George Brett sez, "You rang?"

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1. Posted by seriously Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:04 pm EDT
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Leyland added "The fun bags hanging from Carlos's crack were the size of Polanco's head".
2. Posted by cougar Thu Sep 03, 2009 6:55 pm EDT
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lol yeah right. if he is in that much pain. sit on a the bench and let inge play. you are only hurting the team staying out there. inge is better at 3rd. even without the bat
guillen when healthy is a bonus. but not at 3rd. he cant play first or 3rd.
3. Posted by SK Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:43 pm EDT
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a guy with hemorrhoids still has one of our best batting averages. ouch
4. Posted by Butt Pirate Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:03 pm EDT
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Sitting on a hard bench will not make his hemerrhoids feel any better.
He has a high batting average because his 'roids are performance enhancing.
5. Posted by High Speed GUS Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:30 pm EDT
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Get well Carlos... Been at that in my life also and it's no fun. We need Carlos in the line up.. Go Tiger's!
6. Posted by Rusty J Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:40 pm EDT
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Dump Sheffield, use Carlos as your dh to keep his bat in the lineup and use Inge at third were he is at his best. Problem solved, well except the hemerrhoids.
7. Posted by michaelm Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:12 pm EDT
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Get him a giant donut and sit him for awhile, for pity's sake! That is painful, man!
8. Posted by zoobie Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:08 pm EDT
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Maybe Inge can get them, maybe it will raise his avg....
9. Posted by zoobie Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:08 pm EDT
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Maybe inge coeld get them, maybe he could hit the ball....
10. Posted by Bob C Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:18 pm EDT
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Inge should be at 3rd so what he is only at 220 avg look at the club no better i set up two nights in a row just so i could see bobby and that flunky blow two games wake up dave your hitting coach is not getting it done i hear you cannot get rid of a coach over the manager by jim a tiger fan for over 40 years
11. Posted by Chris B Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:02 pm EDT
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Bob C - The problem with your theory there is that it was the bullpen that blew the game. If we had a decent bullpen then the two runs in last night's game would be sufficient. You're complaining about the hitting coach when it's been the bullpen losing games lately (three games in a row lost by the bullpen)
12. Posted by Chris B Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:02 pm EDT
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Bob C - The problem with your theory there is that it was the bullpen that blew the game. If we had a decent bullpen then the two runs in last night's game would be sufficient. You're complaining about the hitting coach when it's been the bullpen losing games lately (three games in a row lost by the bullpen)
13. Posted by Dad Zach Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:42 pm EDT
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What is it with these Inge lovers. For an overpaid, overrated fielding non-hitter, he gets way too much love.
14. Posted by Larry L Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:47 pm EDT
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Chris B - If we could score the "Incredible" amount of runs that this team was billed to do, the bullpen would have been a non-factor the last 3 games. I agree with Rusty J, it may cost the team a lot of cash but dump Sheffield (he's showing his age and declining ability after the steriods) place Carlos at DH (he's signed to a hugh deal and can't play anywhere in the infield) and put Inge back at 3rd. Inge may not hit as well but this lineup ISN'T HITTING AT ALL! Inge has the defensive ability to get you 1 to 2 more out a game at 3rd than Carlos, that's huge to a pitching staff! Use Sheff's vacant spot to bring in a backup catcher for Pudge.
15. Posted by Mark E Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:16 pm EDT
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well at least the tigers marketing team found a sponsor for Carlos Guillen bobblehead day.
http://bringbackpaulsorrento.blogspot.com/
16. Posted by restoretheroar62 Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:36 pm EDT
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Detroit Lions Super Bowl Bound
17. Posted by Dan S Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:33 pm EDT
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Hemroids arent that bad. That happens when you squeeze really hard. When I was in the Army I got them and I called my platoon sergeant up and said ahh... Sergeant Brown I got a little problem and I went to the doctors and ended up being a small hemroid. Its nothing serious Carlos. Just take some Preperation H and a day or two youll be fine. Get well buddy
18. Posted by Marvelous Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:09 pm EDT
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DH Guillen and play Inge at 3rd and drop Shefield like a wet rag--it's time for him to retire. Last year I couldn't stand Inge but we really need him at 3rd.
19. Posted by bbcking26 Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:03 pm EDT
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i think guilen will be healthy soon so he can go back out at 3rd drop sheffield and bring in barry bonds who cares about the money we will loose by droping sheffeild he sucks hemroids and it aint like we dont have money to throw away i would rather have bonds being the dh when guilen gets healthy inge sucks i dont care about bond's legal issues the guy can flat out hit and get on base like crazy we need to wake up the offense a bit since in the last three games the idiots in the bullpen cant hold a lead and why in the world did leyland take out bonderman last night it wasnt like he coudnt of done a better job then the bullpen i would of pitched bonderman the whole game he had his a game goin. i know u guys are gona think my idea is crazy but i bet u bringin in bonds would work.
20. Posted by whtknght32 Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:45 pm EDT
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Someone actually thought this was a good story, good god what the heck has the world come to.
21. Posted by lionsfn11 Thu Sep 03, 2009 6:53 pm EDT
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And here I thought that Matsui's anal fissures hurt. "Jeez all these non-American ball-players like Carlos Guillen and Kazuo Matsui need to leave our delicious grass and corn feed beef alone and stick with a heailther diet form ther home counrties. This should eliviate some of the anal problems, heh heh, that these here ball-players have. ¡No más de filete y más tacos! ¡Taco Bell de largo vivo!"-George Bush U.S. President "Serves the Detroit Tiger right for making baseball a premere sport again in Michigan. Heed my word Detroit, you've had your fun. You had the All-Star Game and had some playoff games recently in Detroit. Leave the baseball to the real cities like New York, Boston, St. Louis and Milwaukee."-Bud Selig
22. Posted by J.F Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:41 pm EDT
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Inge at third & Carlos D.H.
23. Posted by J.F Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:41 pm EDT
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Get Rodney & Joey Z back in rilief
24. Posted by Jim Bontrager, Jr Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:35 pm EDT
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McClendon has to go, let Van Slyke coach the hitters again and put Lloyd anywhere else, maybe GM of the Lions anything would be an improvement there!
25. Posted by BELL Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:28 pm EDT
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Blue Jays will lance the whole team soon. Doc Halliday will have the knife. With a guy like B.J. how can we lose...Go Jays!!