That was quite a rant by Florida Marlins president David Samson, who enlivened the apparently imminent Ichiro Suzuki extension by calling it, "the end of the world as we know it," on Dan Le Batard's radio show yesterday.

Of course, Samson knows an apocalypse when he sees one, having stripped down the Marlins and canned the NL Manager of the Year in the middle of it, and every time you turn on a Marlins home game there's about 18 people in the crowd.

"It'll take the sport down, that contract," Samson vented. "Right back to the ridiculous contracts. It can't be."

In case he'd been too vague, Samson went on to call the contract "a joke" and "inexcusable," then accused the Seattle Mariners of "mismanagement."

Insiders put Ichiro's extension at about $18 million per over five years, so middle-of-the-order money for leadoff-hitter production, and for a speed player whose legs will be going on 39 when the contract is done.

Overpriced? Yeah, probably.

But, this wasn't entirely a baseball decision. Chairman Howard Lincoln and Executive VP/General Counsel Bart Waldman are said to have handled these negotiations, start to finish, with barely a word to the organization's baseball people. Clearly, upper management considers Ichiro – even a potentially declining Ichiro – to be critical as the face of the organization moving forward.

And while the timing of the extension is curious, coming shortly after the resignation of manager Mike Hargrove, Ichiro and Hargrove had worked well together recently after a couple tense seasons.

From Ichiro's standpoint, it had to help that the Mariners have rallied from three consecutive last-place finishes to be the surprise team of the American League, with a payroll over $100 million, and with some good young players – Yuniesky Betancourt, Jose Lopez, even countryman Kenji Johjima – locked up for more seasons.

Asked this week about breaking the culture of losing in the Pacific Northwest, Ichiro said, "At this point, this team right now, I don't expect that kind of mentality."

Up next, the organization likely will approach Felix Hernandez about a multi-year contract that would take him at last through his arbitration years.

Wait 'til Sampson gets a load of that.

FIVE …

• Mike Piazza's stay in Oakland doesn't look like it's going to end well for somebody. Piazza has been ready to resume his DH job for two or three weeks. But, the A's are holding that place in the lineup for Jack Cust while trying to revive Piazza's throwing shoulder, which probably is futile. Piazza's one-year, $8.5-million contract lacks a no-trade clause, but GM Billy Beane promised he'd clear a trade with the Piazza camp if it came to that. Well, it's come to that, and Piazza is eager to restart his season with a contending AL club. He'd work in Minnesota, where the Twins have gotten a league-low three home runs along with 35 RBI and a .656 OPS out of their DH spot, in Anaheim, the site of the Shea Hillenbrand disaster, in New York, assuming the Yankees don't take their own flier on Hillenbrand, and perhaps even Boston, depending on the results of David Ortiz's MRI. If the A's don't move on it now, Piazza could clear waivers in August and be moved then.

• Mark Teixeira, who figures to be back at first base when the Texas Rangers open their second half Friday in Anaheim, continues to position himself as the most attractive commodity on the trade market leading to the July 31 deadline. He's healthy again, he's controllable (contract-wise) for another season-and-a-half, and he's disgruntled, the Triple Crown of See Ya Laters. The inconsistency here is where Teixeira rails against the Rangers for spending another season "at the bottom of the league," according to the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, because of their failure to acquire top-end (read: expensive) talent, while being eager to get into a Michael Young-like extension: "My ears are always open." So, apparently, he'll live with the losses as long as he's paid better for them. Though his glove and bat were a couple of things they had going for them, the Rangers finished in third or fourth place every season with Teixeira in the lineup.

• Rick Down and Kevin Seitzer have something in common with a Hall of Famer. They joined Eddie Murray as fired first-half hitting coaches, the former two becoming All-Star-break casualties of under-productive offenses. The New York Mets' attack has operated largely without Carlos Delgado (Down paid for that) and Moises Alou, and the rotation is held together with whatever Rick Peterson could find in his tackle box. Still, the New York Mets have put up 48 wins, Delgado can't swing and miss like this forever (can he?) and Pedro Martinez is coming. Less publicized, the Arizona Diamondbacks whacked Seitzer, which would not have happened had the young 'Backs put up numbers in the first half. Seitzer was three months into his first professional gig. Rick Schu, an organizational man for 10 years, takes over there. GM Josh Byrnes believed Seitzer would be the perfect fit, considering some of Seitzer's best seasons as a hitter came in his mid-20s. When Seitzer batted .323 as a rookie in 1987, he finished sixth in AL batting, behind Wade Boggs, Paul Molitor, Alan Trammell, Kirby Puckett and Don Mattingly.

• Barry Zito pitched the San Francisco Giants' final game of the first half, put up his ninth loss and four more innings of 20-something pitches each, and won't get the ball again until Tuesday in Chicago. That's eight days between starts, but the Giants are reaching for anything that might settle Zito, who has been their ace in name and contract alone. Giants baseball people believe Zito, the laid-back one, has taken to over-analyzing every little failure, which could take some time. Zito has one quality start and no wins since June 4.

• The Bay Area grand jury thought to be considering a perjury indictment against Barry Bonds could have its term expire any day, meaning there could be news on that front shortly. This might explain why Bud Selig has refused to commit to attending Nos. 755 and/or 756 or an affair at AT&T Park honoring Bonds. If no action is taken by the grand jury, don't be surprised if Selig shows up.

… AND FLY

The Las Vegas Review Journal reports Sammy Sosa spent his All-Star break not pondering why Michael Young – and not he – was in San Francisco, but in Vegas attending a Cirque du Soleil thing. The paper adds this beauty: "In previous trips to Las Vegas, Sosa has gone by the alias of 'Maximo Ali.'"

Oh.

While covering the NBA, I once spent an entire afternoon attempting to reach a player in his hotel room, having to ask the operator on at least seven occasions to connect me to "Dark Chocolate."