November 24, 2011
Across the country on Thursday, Americans will sit down to dinner with their families and slice into a nice, freshly roasted (or fried, or broiled, or smoked, or however else you'd like to cook your bird) turkey with plenty of traditional fixings.
Don't think the turkeys aren't keeping track of this annual apocalypse. While the birds that show up on your table may be of the domesticated variety, their wild cousins are fighting back, one aggressive act at a time.
A year after Prep Rally showed you the first act of turkey aggression in sports -- the revenge of Turkey Tom at a youth soccer game -- we bring you the flock's second act, a John Brown-style raid on two teenagers who innocently went out to the backyard hoping to have some fun … and ended up in a chase for their life freedom safety general health.
As you can see, the turkeys are not taking this lightly, and they clearly have the stamina to cause plenty of problems. After all, if one bird alone could run in a tricky game of tag for more than five minutes, just imagine what an organized resistance could do.
In fact, just such an organized crew of aggressive gobblers eventually won a child's bike by chasing off this Indian mother and son in Cherry Hill, N.J. See, they're mechanizing. This isn't good.
There are plenty of reasons for concern, but unless turkeys have developed YouTube viewing capabilities, we can all sleep a little easier knowing one thing: At least they won't know that some trainers are using pieces of turkey to inspire better performance on the track. That might really send them over the top.