You hear the words "golf" and "adult movies" in the same sentence, and I know what you're thinking: "What's Tiger gotten himself into now? LEAVE HIM ALONE, U MEDIA VULTURES!"

Settle down, oversaturated and overcaffeinated media consumers. This story has absolutely nothing to do with Tiger Woods ... well, not yet anyway. Seems that an independent movie entrepreneur has been filming at the Fisher Island Club in Miami, pictured above.

Filming in Miami? Of course they are. I mean, they shoot all kinds of cool stuff there, like  "Scarface" and "Miami Vice" and "Dexter" and ... hey, what kind of movie did you say it was?

Oh. One of those kind. Huh. This oughta be good.

Anyway, here's the story, courtesy of the Miami New Times via Deadspin. (NSFW language at those links, by the way.) Seems one Raul Quintana, a mortgage lender, has been accused of permitting a hardcore adult film to be filmed in his condo and the surrounding golf links on tony Fisher Island, and as a result has been banned from entering the Fisher Island Club. Oh, and he allegedly threatened to kill one of the club executives. Good times.

According to the story, Quintana unwittingly allowed a porn movie to be filmed in one of his condos on Fisher Island, home of stars like Oprah Winfrey and Julia Roberts. (Neither of which, we assume, appears in the movie.) In October of last year, Quintana claims he was contacted by a woman who claimed to be with a modeling agency and sought to rent one of his condos. This particular three-bedroom, 3,500-square-foot model had once been rented by baseball catcher Ivan Rodriguez, among others.

Quintana accepted $600 for a six-hour rental, only to find that he had rented his apartment to a company known as "Bangbros" (no link, for obvious reasons), which then proceeded to film "Sexy Golfing Experience" at the condo. Here's what happens in the film, according to the paper:

The film is no innovation in cinema. In it, Tony, a ratty-looking dude with a thin beard and designer shades, commandeers a golf cart — clearly displaying Quintana's apartment number — to rendezvous with Devon on a Fisher Island golf green. After the dirty-blond porn starlet does some [unconventional-style] putting, the lovers drive to Quintana's condo on a golf cart with a pudgy, bearded dolly grip riding on the rear.

Once in the apartment, they head to the balcony, where, in broad daylight and full view of any neighbor who might glance out a window, Tony...

...and that'll be where we stop in the interest of keeping our job.  Quintana says he didn't find out about the film until three months later when a security guard complimented him on it. As a result, the Fisher Island Community Association threw down a bunch of harsh country-club punishments on him ($50 per guest! Non-preferred status on the ferry line for his car!) and barred him from the club. Oh, and his properties have lost an estimated $3 million in value.

Wow, rich people have problems. Who knew?

Golf porn on ritzy Fisher Island [Miami New Times]
A golf porn lawsuit that has nothing to do with who you think [Deadspin]