January 28, 2010
So, as rumors go, this is a good if goofy one -- while Tiger Woods may or may not be getting treatment for sex addiction at a Hattiesburg clinic, his wife Elin may or may not be staying at the palatial estate of Mississippi's favorite son, Brett Favre.
Really? This is where we are now? The story was first "reported" by US Weekly, but strangely enough, I can't find a link to the story now. That hasn't stopped the New York Daily News from breathlessly reporting the details of a story that is almost certainly 100 percent pan-fried bull. And even if it's not, we're doing some real bottom-scraping here. (Though it must be noted that nobody says Favre was in residence while Elin was there. He was too busy ripping the soul out of Minneapolis.)
However, long as we're airing these wacky theories, let's throw out a few of our own. If Tiger is in Mississippi, and if Elin is there with him, here's where I predict we'll see her next:
• Singing "Hotty Toddy" and drinking whiskey on the grave of William Faulkner in Oxford.
• Playing craps at the Tunica casinos with Eli Manning.
• Discussing possible novelization of her story with John Grisham, who later said, "I was on board until the impersonating-Tiger-texting thing."
Thing is, if it's at all true, it makes sense, in a weird through-the-looking-glass kind of way. Perhaps there's something about Favre that seems familiar to Elin. Both he and Tiger are icons. Both he and Tiger have trouble making up their minds about retirement and companionship, respectively. And both he and Tiger gave up an interception -- a football and an incriminating cell phone, respectively -- at the worst possible time.
You know what? Heck with it. Until Tiger shows his face, I'm just going to believe every rumor. It's easier that way.