Considering that I played the character of "Danny Noonan" in Caddyshack, one might assume that I would recuse myself from competing in a game of Caddyshack Trivia, which I was given for Christmas.
 
One would be flat out wrong.
 
I'm competitive and will take any advantage I can in any game I play. While visiting New Orleans for Christmas (No, I will not need rehab as a New Year's resolution), my girlfriend, Allison, and her neighbors' kids and I played the game. Archie and Olivia Manning are her neighbors and their kids are Peyton and Eli, who were home for the holidays and some last-minute advice from their dad before the playoffs.
 
"Don't mess it up," Archie had said as his sons were walking across the street to meet us.  One can only wonder if he was referring to the trivia game or the postseason.
 
Some of the trivia questions are predictable.
 
Who says, "I like you, Betty?"
 
Answer: Ty.
 
Who is the last person out of the pool on Caddy Day?
 
Spaulding.
 
Others are beyond obscure.
 
What kinds of covers do the Havercamps have on their golf clubs?
 
Who the heck are the Havercamps?
 
What is the name of the restaurant in Danny's hometown?
 
What restaurant? We go from his house to the golf course, to the marina, etc. and never go near a restaurant. 
 
Where were the Winter Olympics held the year Caddyshack was released?
 
What the heck does that have to do with anything?
 
Those last three answers were mine and you can use them if you want to lose.  Peyton and Eli were surprisingly good at the game, though one kept hassling the other while we played. Peyton continually interjected the phrase, "Miss it, Noonan," or just, "Noonan!" while Eli was considering his answers. Eli, mirroring Spaulding's behavior in the film, picked his nose constantly. Turns out he was consciously doing this to divert us from focusing on the game. It did set off an interesting side bet about whether or not he would eat his boogers, a la the film, and I did make an extra $30 when he wiped his finger under the chair instead of chowing down.
 
The big winner of the night was Allison. She's got a master's degree in philosophy from LSU and contrary to what Randy Newman might suggest, they don't hand those out to dopes. She gave her answers last and based her choice on the confidence demonstrated by the answers that Peyton, Eli and I gave. Through clever discernment of the demeanor of her competitors she beat us all hands down. She had seen the film once, in 1981, and remembered nothing about it except that Ted Knight's hair looked like you could land planes on it.
 
If you're looking for a good time and cheap laughs at the expense of your friends, Caddyshack Trivia is for you. If you can correctly answer questions such as, "What's the license plate on Judge Smail's car?" You need to get a life.
 
On a final note, I just want to say, "Go Giants" this week against the Cowboys. I'm from New York.

Oh, by the way, although the Mannings are definitely Allison's neighbors, Peyton and Eli didn't really come over. I was just taking poetic trivia license. So if they read this and try to sue me, they're going to lose. The whole time, it was just me and Allison playing the game.

Who won?

You think just 'cause Allison's cute I let her win?  Damn right I did.  I got my masters at Bennington. I'm no dope either.
 
Michael O'Keefe can currently be seen in the film, "Michael Clayton," and is working on a novel. He started playing golf again earlier this decade, although back problems have kept him sidelined in recent months. For more, go to: http://www.michaelokeefe.com/