At the end of 2008, Sergio Garcia appeared primed to make a run deep into 2009. He'd won the Players Championship, he'd been within a playoff stroke of taking the Tour Championship, and everything seemed to be clicking along merrily.
And then this year, nothing. Less than nothing. Like two other titans of the FedEx, Camilo Villegas and Anthony Kim, Garcia hasn't played to anywhere near his potential this season. He's only played seven tournaments this year, and his best finish is a tie for 13th in the Honda Classic. He bottomed out with his whiny rant about Augusta, and everybody began writing off Sergio for yet another season.
Turns out there was a lot more going on than everybody knew. Sergio had been dating Greg Norman's daughter Morgan-Leigh and, well, there's no polite way to put this -- she dumped him. Hard, apparently. Hard enough that, as he publicly acknowledged this week, it disrupted his entire golf game and caused him to look to family and friends for comfort. (Which, if you've ever had to walk someone through the throes of a breakup, is oh so much fun.)
Look, girl trouble sucks. I had a hole blown in the side of my college GPA because I spent one whole post-breakup exam period feeling sorry for myself. That's why I'm a blogger instead of a Nobel Prize-winning molecular biologist. And if you've ever had your heart broken, chances are it didn't come at an opportune time for you to pause, reflect, sigh and move on with your life.
Still, dude is a professional golfer. More than that, he's a one-man corporation. So he needs to get beyond this breakup business, and fortunately he's got a few alternatives for doing just that. If movies have taught us nothing else, they've taught us how to survive a crumbling relationship. Some possible approaches for Sergio to take:
• He can take the "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" route, escaping to some far-off resort and hoping he doesn't run into the Sharkette there. (Bonus: in these movies, the hero always finds an equally-hot rebound chick.)
• He can take the "Swingers" tack and have a buddy (has to be John Daly, right?) take him to Vegas to score with some trailer-park honeys. That always turns out well.
• There's the "Harry Met Sally" approach, where he and his true love run into each other at various points throughout life (Pebble Beach! Augusta! St. Andrews!) but never quite connect until the very end of the flick. Keep scanning the galleries, Sergio; she's out there somewhere.
• Then there's the "I'll show you" approach endorsed by "Talladega Nights" and so many others -- girl dumps guy, guy goes on to win The Big One. Sergio could get that majors monkey off his back and get back at his XGF, all at once!
• Of course, if that doesn't work, there's always the "Godfather" philosophy:
Best of luck getting back on the horse, Sergio. You're young, rich, handsome and world-famous, but despite all those burdens, I still think you'll be able to find another girl some day.