Pebble Beach – Stirred by the moving words of keynote speaker Vern Lundquist ("The only thing we have to fear … is Ian Poulter's pants"), the delegates to the 2008 National Golf Convention have kicked off what is expected to be a grueling fight to choose a replacement for Tiger Woods as the best golfer in the world.

Woods, as you know, stepped down several weeks ago from the post he has held since 1996, citing a bum knee and lack of motivation but mostly a "creepy" recurring dream in which God appears and talks Woods into playing a round of golf. In the dream, Woods, who can be somewhat competitive at times, foolishly holes a downhill 45-footer for birdie on the last hole to beat the Almighty.

(As you might imagine, God was not pleased and handed down a wicked and cruel punishment: Woods must spend all of eternity listening to Phil Mickelson explain why he didn't bring a driver to the British Open.)

Also on the opening day of the convention, the National Rifle Association officially endorsed dark-horse candidate Tripp Isenhour, who brought down a hawk last December in Florida. (Isenhour claims the killing was an act of self-defense. The hawk, he said, was clutching what appeared to be a Remington 12-gauge semiautomatic shotgun with a sawed-off barrel but turned out to be a mouse.)

Other speakers scheduled to take the podium during the four-day gathering included Colin Montgomerie, who will address the convention despite learning Sunday that he'd been left off the European Ryder Cup team for the first time since the early 1400s.

Vijay Singh, one of the favorites to replace Woods, was also scheduled to address the convention in a speech titled "I Appear to Hate Golf and Everything About It."

Insiders at the convention said the nomination will likely be decided between Singh and Spain's Sergio Garcia, who has also built strong delegate support on a powerful campaign theme: "Time For Change."

Among the big changes Garcia has promised is reducing the number of no-good, lousy, sarcastic sportswriters covering the PGA Tour from its present level (unlimited, with the actual number depending on how many free sandwiches are available in the press room) to a more manageable figure such as none.

The other major change Garcia says he'll consider is that someday he'll actually make a 4-foot putt in a major.