Ten players I hate more than you

More top 10 hate: Brandon Funston

Honestly, dislike is a more appropriate adjective for this segment. Hatred is only relative to draft position.

But since despisement is a prerequisite for participation in this exercise, here are the players the Noise loathes more than clothing on attractive females, plotless action films, deviled eggs, parking attendants, Bac-Os, reality TV, buffet closers in spandex and the embodiment of all things evil in this world, Lucifer Shanahan.

Marion Barber(notes): As we noted last week, Dallas’ implementation of a socialized backfield dulls the Barbarian’s battleaxe. Though he will still be the primary goal-line back, the ‘Boys coaching staff has grand designs of featuring Felix Jones(notes) more prominently in the offense. Barber will still be a bloodhound near the goal-line, but his 16.87 ADP suggests he’s ridiculously overvalued.

Knowshon Moreno(notes): The first-rounder from Georgia, in terms of raw talent, is arguably the most gifted back the Broncos have ever drafted. He’s versatile, undaunted and remarkably quick. So why is the Noise sipping the Haterade? Cry-baby Brandon Marshall’s(notes) suspension and possible exit from Denver cripples the entire offense. Without Baby T.O. in the mix, stacked boxes may become routine, especially if Kyle Orton(notes) continues to flounder. Throw in the competition for carries, and Moreno is avoidable at his 65.82 Mock Draft Central ADP in non-keeper leagues.

Joseph Addai(notes): Donald Brown’s(notes) emergence combined with Addai’s general fragility is exactly why he should be dodged in the 40s. Frankly, there are better and safer options available around the same time. Darren McFadden(notes), Marshawn Lynch(notes) and Ray Rice(notes) instantly come to mind. If an animated, soaking wet cardboard box picked a fight with Chuck Norris, it would prove more durable and long-lasting than Addai.

Braylon Edwards(notes): Trusting Banana Hands to safely cradle a small child or produce consistent points for your fantasy team are risky propositions. Apparent in preseason play, absent concentration continues to be an ongoing issue for Sir Drops-a-Lot. Also, with unexciting options at QB, the odds of Edwards rebounding this season are growing longer by the minute. Chad Ocho Cinco(notes), Anthony Gonzalez(notes) and DeSean Jackson(notes) are wiser choices in the same round the former elite wideout is being drafted (50.09 ADP).

Brett Favre(notes): Favre’s elephantine diva complex makes Barbara Streisand seem like a humble peasant girl. The constant media coverage is nails-on-the-chalkboard galling. Shooting up ADP lists (113.15), it’s perplexing to see the fantasy masses embrace the graybeard. He’s decrepit, old and untrustworthy, especially on a team where Adrian Peterson is the center of the offense. Check the tape from the second half of last year and you’ll agree. A geriatric QB with 3,000-yard, 17-20 TD upside doesn’t deserve to be selected in the same round as Matt Cassel(notes), Matt Hasselbeck(notes) and David Garrard(notes).

Jamal Lewis(notes): Speculation surrounding Lewis’ imminent demise is beginning to surface in C-Town. The emergence of rookie James Davis in preseason play is stark proof the end is near. His forgettable 1,000-yard campaign from a season ago was a preview. Though currently entrenched in secondary roles, Leon Washington(notes) (97.64 ADP), LeSean McCoy(notes) (105.02) and Rashard Mendenhall(notes) (106.01) have far greater upside in the middle rounds. Expect Davis to seize control by midseason.

Chris Johnson: Captain Quick undoubtedly deserves to be a roster cornerstone, especially in PPR formats, but it wouldn’t be at all surprising if his numbers dipped slightly in ’09. Tennessee’s offensive line is magnificent, but the Titans’ anemic passing attack and LenDale White’s(notes) red zone presence are worrisome factors. Of the second-year sensations typically available in the latter portion of Round 1, Steve Slaton(notes) is a wiser choice.

Antonio Bryant(notes): The unsettling combination of a vanilla quarterback situation and limited preseason playing time due to a knee injury are major red flags. He’s bound to underwhelm in Raheem Morris’ more conservative West Coast scheme. This might be the first time in recorded history Jeff Garcia’s(notes) presence would’ve greatly improved a situation.

Ben Roethlisberger(notes): Steely McBeam nationalists with limited interest in fantasy will annoyingly lambaste any “expert” who labels Big Ben “overrated.” But as we all know, Super Bowl rings are meaningless in virtual pigskin. Excluding ’07, Roethlisberger has been incredibly mediocre – fringe starter material in 10-team leagues. Assuming he stays healthy, Carson Palmer(notes), who is going roughly in the same round as Big Ben (89.36 ADP), will be more valuable.

Counter D-Willists: People who abstain from drafting last year’s RB pacesetter (DeAngelo Williams(notes)) in Round 1 simply because he’s involved in a platoon should be Cabled – repeatedly. Carolina’s O-line is one of the finest in the NFC and the conservative offensive scheme hasn’t changed. DeAngelo Williams is a beast. Period. The man shredded even the staunchest of foes last season (i.e. the New York Giants). Another top-five RB performance is on the horizon.

Brad "The Big Noise" Evans has obsessed about his fantasy teams since the days when Jeff George had value. Yahoo! Sports fantasy’s resident baseball, football and bracketology expert, Brad also lends advice on the two-time Emmy-nominated webcast "Fantasy Football Live" each NFL Sunday.
Follow him on Twitter. Send Brad a question or comment for potential use in a future column or webcast.
Updated Tuesday, Sep 1, 2009