High Fives: Going crazy

High Fives: Going crazy
By Brandon Funston
June 16, 2005

Brandon Funston
Yahoo Sports
Yahoo! Sports' trio of fantasy experts will each offer up, on a regular basis, a look at their top five lists dealing with a variety of topics.

This week's topics: Strong arms of the summer, beneficial changes, pull-your-hair-out players, disturbingly popular celebs and those that makes us laugh.

Top 5 pitchers selections for a fantasy league starting today
Brandon Says: Mike Says: Matt Says:
  1. Johan Santana, Min
  2. Pedro Martinez, NYM
  3. Jake Peavy, SD

    Past 51 starts: 319 IP, 325 K's, 2.57 ERA

  4. Roy Halladay, Tor
  5. As good as he's been, history says he'll only get better going forward

  6. Randy Johnson, NYY

    I'm betting his last start was a turn-the-corner outing

  1. Pedro Martinez, NYM

    They said he was done; tell that to opposing hitters (0.73 WHIP and 10.13 K/9)

  2. Roy Halladay, Tor

    Quality starts in 11 of 14 outings and riding stretch in which he's gone 6-1 with 0.97 ERA

  3. Johan Santana, Min

    It's time for that annual string of dominant outings to begin

  4. Dontrelle Willis, Fla
  5. Jake Peavy, SD
  1. Johan Santana, Min
  2. Roy Halladay, Tor

    Average game time in his last seven starts: 2 hours, 11 minutes. Makin' it look easy

  3. Chris Carpenter, StL

    Quietly the best pitcher in fantasy in the last month: 4 wins, 2.09 ERA, 45 Ks

  4. Dontrelle Willis, Fla
  5. Pedro Martinez, NYM

    For all the talk about durability, this guy is 24-10 after the AS break in the last three years

Top 5 players who would benefit from a change of scenery
Brandon Says: Mike Says: Matt Says:
  1. Zack Greinke, KC

    Worst run support in league; Is Jose Lima the best mentor?

  2. Ben Sheets, Mil

    3.30 home ERA since '02 has yielded just 19-23 record

  3. Shingo Takatsu, ChW

    Went from Mr. Zero to Mr. Zero Confidence

  4. Jason Kendall, Oak
  5. Perennial .300 hitter struggling in AL; And A's don't exploit his SB skills

  6. Mike Piazza, NYM

    Time to put him out to pasture in AL as DH in some hitter-friendly park

  1. Austin Kearns, Cin

    Injuries, a 3-for-36 slump and the numbers game in Cincy have forced him back to the minors

  2. Aubrey Huff, TB

    Eight steals are nice, but a shift out of the losing culture would be huge for him

  3. Bret Boone, Sea
  4. Roger Clemens, Hou

    Run support issues have robbed him of several Ws. How about pitching in Arlington?

  5. Jason Giambi, NYY

    After a couple days of razzing by the media for his exit from NY, he could rebuild his career elsewhere.

  1. Roger Clemens, Hou

    In his nine losses or no decisions, his ERA is 1.47. Doesn't want a trade, but would benefit from one

  2. Brian Giles, SD

    Has only 12 homers and 20 RBIs in 111 home games since moving to Petco

  3. Carlos Beltran, NYM
  4. Ryan Howard, Phi
  5. Currently on a 20-for-40 tear and inching toward .400 in the minors. Deserves regular big league ABs

  6. Mike Sweeney, KC

    Been playing under a cloud of uncertainty for years now

Top 5 fantasy players that are driving you crazy this season
Brandon Says: Mike Says: Matt Says:
  1. Adam Dunn, Cin

    Talent and batting eye to steal 25 and hit .300, but all he ends up giving us is power

  2. Ichiro, Sea

    With the number of AB's he gets, his recent slump can sink your squad as quickly as he can build it up

  3. Jason Lane, Hou

    Gave my faith in him a serious test with his .118 May

  4. Kip Wells, Pit
  5. Just when you think he's put it all together, he implodes

  6. Adrian Beltre, Sea
  1. Carlos Beltran, NYM

    I'll save the extended rant as a DVD extra. Only hits when Pedro is on the hill and one measly SB.

  2. Jim Thome, Phi

    Has driven in a run in five straight games. Am I delusional that this is the start of the rebound?

  3. Jason Schmidt, SF

    Velocity down, he's posted one victory in his last nine starts and continues to get battered

  4. Victor Martinez, Cle
  5. Tim Hudson, Atl

    Can you believe this? I have ALL five of these guys on the same team

  1. Jason Schmidt, SF

    Only pitcher I retained in my keeper league. Suddenly has whiffle-ball velocity

  2. Oliver Perez, Pit

    My No. 1 pick in the aforementioned keeper league. Has velocity; only recently regaining control

  3. Victor Martinez, Cle

    Reference above keeper league. See a pattern here?

  4. Mike Lowell, Fla
  5. Different league; same story

  6. Dan Kolb, Atl

    Don't own him, but he did in John Smoltz, who I do own, a few times

Top 5 most disturbingly popular entertainment figures
Brandon Says: Mike Says: Matt Says:
  1. Michael Jackson

    King of Pop is also King of Disturbingly Popular

  2. Mike Tyson

    Received $5 million for McBride fight; He hasn't deserved a $5 million purse in 15 years

  3. Paris Hilton
  4. Jack and Kelly Osborne

    Ozzy's funny, but please spare me his spoiled, grating spawn

  5. Dr. Phil

    Does dispensing common sense really warrant this much popularity?

  1. Michael Jackson
  2. Dr. Phil

    People line up to be yelled at by this guy; although I must say, the Pat O'Brien interview was entertaining

  3. Jessica Simpson

    Yes, there's the obvious, but that's replicated all over LA

  4. Tom Cruise

    "Help me ... help you" - good for newsmags and entertainment TV, but what about the film?

  5. Paris Hilton

    Layup. Perhaps this list should be named after her

  1. Donald Trump
  2. Ray Romano

    This may not qualify as disturbing, but the fact that America's highest-paid comic is as un-funny as this guy is baffling

  3. Britney Spears

    Can't they do a wide shot with that night-vision cam? Extreme close-ups and mindless dialogue render Chaotic painfully unwatchable

  4. Michael Jackson
  5. Entertainment + Disturbing = Jackson

  6. Jennifer Lopez
Top 5 funniest people currently in show business
Brandon Says: Mike Says: Matt Says:
  1. Will Ferrell
  2. Matt Stone/Trey Parker

    The kings of "They can't say that, can they?" comedy

  3. Bill Murray
  4. Dave Chapelle

    Hit-and-miss for me, but when he hits, it's so very good – Prince basketball skit, for example

  5. Owen Wilson

    How about a movie starring Wilson, Ferrell and Murray?

  1. Dave Chapelle

    With genius comes madness. Can't beat the basketball with Prince skit

  2. Chris Rock
  3. Jon Stewart

    Smart humor and where most 25-39 year olds get their news

  4. Will Ferrell
  5. Matt Stone/Trey Parker

    South Park remains must see television

  1. Larry David

    Nobody turns a casual encounter into a hilariously awkward situation better than David in Curb Your Enthusiasm

  2. Will Ferrell
  3. Chris Rock
  4. Charles Barkley
  5. Maybe not always intentionally funny, but this quote machine managed to turn a post-game show into must-see TV

  6. Dave Chapelle

Reader response to last week's High Fives
How can you not have the Bears as one of the top 5 best defensive teams? Last year, they were one of the best teams defensively and they didn't have Mike Brown or Brian Urlacher healthy. The young guys on the defensive line are just going to get better and you can't say you wouldn't want Jerry Azumah and Brown in your secondary. But, the most important thing of all is that Urlacher is healthy!Frank, Chicago, IL

I am outraged at your selection of the top 5 RBs. In 15 opportunities, not one of you chose Curtis Martin. A guy wins the rushing title, is in an elite class with only the great Barry Sanders (11 straight 1,000 yard seasons to start a career), and he's still got Kevin Mawae in front of him and the best play-fakes this side of Peyton Manning with Chad Pennington. He should be up there instead of Jamal Lewis, the Priest or, at least, Kevin Jones. Sheesh!Ethan, New York, NY

Year after year, Denver fashions a top 5 offense. Year after year, no Bronco makes the so-called experts' fantasy elite list, save Jason Elam. Last year, Jake Plummer topped the 4,000 yard mark, tied John Elway's team single-season TD record (27) and had two 1,000 yard receivers in Ashley Lelie and Rod Smith. Denver's featured backs combined for 1,500-plus yards (for the zillionth consecutive season) and, yet again, Bronco players are absent in the High Fives. But you know what? I'll keep drafting fantasy football's best kept secrets and piling up wins in my fantasy leagues.Lopez, Mexico City

Why isn't there any mention of Tom Brady in the top 5? All of those other guys have one thing in common – they are losers!Michael, Boston, MA

Regarding Mike from New York's comments last week – Mike Schmidt may well be Mr. Philly, and good for him. But to complain about Schmidt being under Edgar Martinez in consideration for the Top 5 Mr. Team list only shows ignorance. Edgar Martinez defines loyalty and leadership to a team. He played out his career for a team through thick and thin, and played to a level that made him a legend (deserving to be the first Hall of Fame DH; MLB DH Award and streets named after him). He influenced other players to an extensive level – Anyone catch A-Rod the other day giving credit to Edgar for helping making his career as successful as it is so far? Schmidt, great as he is, cannot compare.Jordan, Stanford, CA

Brandon Funston is a Yahoo! Sports fantasy expert. Follow him on Twitter. Send Brandon a question or comment for potential use in a future column or webcast.

Updated on Thursday, Jun 16, 2005 5:27 pm, EDT

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