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  • wally wally Jan 18, 2011 9:07 PM Flag

    time for a joke?

    not sure if this was posted this before

    A teacher asked her students to use the word FASCINATE in a sentence.

    Marta said, My family went to the Louisville Zoo, and it was fascinating to see all the animals.

    The teacher said, That was good, but I wanted the word FASCINATE.

    Sarita raised her hand.

    She said, My family went to the Cincinnati Zoo and I was fascinated by the animals.

    That's good, too, said the teacher, but I wanted the word FASCINATE.

    Little Johnny raised his hand.

    The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language, but surely he couldn't damage the word fascinate, so she called on him.

    Johnny said proudly, My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight

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    • I knew it sounded familiar!

    • Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus? It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.

      If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eyes.

      My public service is done for the day. LMAO !!!

    • The graveside
      service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
      The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, 'Well......she's there.'

    • It appears some people didn't like some jokes, they disappeared, What a f'n JOKE!

    • I got one better than that...it's dirty, but will make it clean as I can.......it's called the Fisherman's Joke.....Old man get's married for the very first time....instead of spending time with his wife in the hotel, he spends it at the riverbank fishing....he meets this young guy down at the riverbank staying at the same hotel....young guy says to the old man "hey old man, didn't you just get married this past weekend". Old man say "yearh".....young guys says "how come your not at the hotel room having intercourse with your wife".....old man says, "cause she has gonorrhea"......young guy says "well, why don't you go back and have anal sex"..........old man says, "I can't cause she has diarrhea"..........young guy says, "well at least you can go back and have oral sex".....old man says "I can't do that either cause she has piorrea"......young guy looks at the old man and says "let me ask you something old man, "what in the hell did you marry this women for"? Old man looks at the young guy and says "cause she has worms and I like to fish"!!!!

      • 2 Replies to Rickster
      • Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender.
        The robot says, "What will you have?"
        The guy says, "Martini."
        The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
        The guy says,” 168."
        The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
        The guy leaves, but he is curious...So he goes back into the bar.
        The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
        The guy says, "Martini."
        Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
        The guy says, "100."
        The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
        The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.
        He goes back into the bar.
        The robot says, "What will you have?"
        The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
        The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
        The guy says, "Uh, about 70."
        The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"

      • Sunday Service..

        Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
        80% held up their hands.
        The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
        "Mrs. Neely, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
        "I don't have any," She replied, smiling sweetly.
        "Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
        Ninety-eight," she replied.
        The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
        "Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"

        The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, "I outlived the b!tches."

    • Where is the love...

    • After the big Superbowl party, Uncle Gagger figured he better spend some quality time with his high priced Call Girl. He climbs upstairs, walks in the bedroom and crawls into bed. "All right honey," he says, "Give me a play you want me to run."
      "How about Foreplay?" his Good looking Call Girl replies. "What's the Four Play?" says Unc. "You know," the babe says, "It happens before the two minute warning."

    • Your mamma is so stupid she took a spoon to a superbowl.

    • Super Bowl Husband.

      A man goes to the Super Bowl but his tickets are for the upper tier. He spots an open seat on the 50-yard line and grabs it.

      The guy sitting next to him says, “Actually, this seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967.”

      “I’m sorry to hear that,” says the first man. “Couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

      “Nope,” replies the second guy. “Everyone’s at the funeral.”

    • You're trapped in a room with an angry grizzly bear, a hungry Lion, and a fan of(insert team). You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
      Shoot the Steelers fan… twice.


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