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  • A Yahoo! User Jul 29, 2009 10:48 PM Flag

    UMP to become Jr's new sponsor for next year


    Dale Earnhardt Jr and AMP have decided to part ways but not before Hendrick Motorsports and Dale Jr themselves announced Jr's newest sponsor for next season. "UMP"! UMP is the newest sissy, I mean, sister drink of AMP. "UMP is a drink for losers and so it goes better with me and what I'm givin' to everyone, no results, than AMP did." said Dale Earnhardt Jr today outside of Hendrick Motorsports in Concord, NC. "AMP didn't really go along with me or who I am so well because it sounds more like 'CHAMP'! UMP however makes more since because I am sort of a 'CHUMP' and I do believe that you can find UMP in CHUMP! Then again so can you with 'DUMP' which I can't say doesn't really describe my season so far if you compare it to that of Reed Sorenson!" UMP is currently scheduled to come out on shelves in your local retail stores in October and will be sold in little fruity pink pouches that have a tear off top and a really cute swirly straw included with it, this way you don't cut your fingers or stress yourself trying to open the "tab" style aluminum cans like AMP came in. They will come in three, "3", different flavors, Fruity Fruit Slap, CuCUMber & Grapefruits! and Bannanarific Tomato Blast!!!! AMP has issued a statement proclaiming that they have enjoyed their time being with Dale Earnhardt Jr but they didn't know what they were thinking when they signed the contracts to sponsor him other than maybe they just had their heads up their own asses! Jr's car next year will be bright hot pink color and fans of his will be issued special UMP sunglasses that way they don't hurt their little beady eyes when they are looking at his butt ugly car.

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