General Message Board
I wondering if this is going to stick...
I was thinking of calling this post 'Testosterone spill on aisle 4,' but i don't want to alienate the ladies, some of them like dirty jokes too.
It seems like we, well some of us, could use a place to vent some of the frustrations of not being able to bitch about digger this weekend. We could us it as the agreed upon location to compare the driving of certain drivers to those most notorious and hillarious body parts, without fear of being deleted. We could slander and defame each other, treat each other like garbage, without ruining every post that comes across the board. Plus, it could help filter out the new people for torturous and humiliating initation, myself included
I was thinking kind of an homage to the 'Last call at MoToR's Bar and Grill' that you all had at the end of the season.Just to get us through the off week. All chock full of cuss words and profanity, breif glimpses of full frontal nudity, and most importantly: dick jokes. With and NC-17 rating, sorry amoss, just don't tell your mom...
To get it started, i would throw out the oldy, but goody:
What's the differenct between Kyle busch and a bucket of shit?
A little boy ran away from home and a cop saw him and said "Hey little boy, what are you doing?" The little boy replied "I'm running away from home." The cop asked him "Why are you doing that?" The little boy replied "Because my dad beats me." The cops says "Oh, well get in the car and I will take you back to your mother" And the little boy says "No, no! She beats me too!" The cop says "Do you have an uncle?" "Yes but he beats me too", replied the little boy. And the cop says "Get in the car and I'll take you to your grandma's then." The little boy says "No, no, no! My grandma beats me also." The cop says "Well little boy, is there anywhere I can take you where nobody will beat you?" And the little boys says "Take me to live with Mark Martin because he can't beat anybody."
Good to see you out & about, RK.
If you like the name, "PossumJet", you might like this story, even if it is kind of sordid.
The property I lived on in Michigan for three years when Young Miss was a baby was very, very rural - with a two-lane black-top passing right thru it, in front of our house, for trucker's in-the-know, and people avoiding the X-way, to drive down at about 70 MPH, since the speed limit was 55 and the only law-enforcement around were state sheriffs with better things to do than police thet road. Anyway, wildlife crossed it in droves and it was littered with carcasses of deer, raccoon, turtle, and for some reason, one month out of every year - possum! For one month out of every year, there were scads of dead possum, hit by cars. One year, the smell was so bad in our front yard from the possum carcasses thet I put petroleum jelly under my nose to keep from gagging from the stench, and I dug a hole in front of the drainage ditch, and raked the dead possums into a hole, and covered them up. The next spring, I sprinkled annual daisy seeds over the area, and the daisies came up in droves, so I put a big sign up in the middle of the patch: "Posthumous possums pushing up daisies".
Haha - but thet's not the story, jest the "warm-up"....this will be one of those so-called "long-Joanie-like posts".
Anyway, people started putting up "Wild-Life Crossing" signs, and it made no difference....So, I designed one thet showed two possums standing on their hind legs, pointing and laughing, while another "zoomed" out across the street, in front of a car, and wrote: "Caution, Possums Playing Chicken".
I put them on each side of the road, on each road-boundary of our property. They got a little bit of notoriety, Truckers would honk as they went by, and it got a bit of attention form the local news media.
(My "Save the turtles" story is better...)
What???? She cain dial a phone with hooves???
"Texas Truck si 102 ($53568, Superior Race Horse, 2nd Marco Smolich ...... JOANIE REB si 98 (f. by Johnnie Reb). 6 wins to 4, $32804, Glover Futurity. ...
www.aqhra.ca/documents/07CanadaYearling.pdf - Similar
(specifics on the Race Horse, Joanie Reb, in the last paragraph of the last page....)
A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His wife rolls over and asks: "What in the world was that?"
The man says: "Touchdown, I'm ahead, seven to nothing."
A few minutes later the wife lets one loose. The man says to her: "What was that?"
She replies: "Touchdown, tie score."
The man lays there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up.
He tries so hard that he craps all over the bed.
The wife asks: "Now what in the world was that?" He replies: "Half time. Switch sides
So i guy walks into a bar and sits down. He looks over at the man next to him and see's he's got this tiny little man, playing a tiny little piano. He says 'That's pretty cool, where did you find that?' The man looks over disgruntled and says, 'The bartender here is a genie and will grant you one wish.'
Just then the bartender walks over and asks 'What can i get'cha'
The man replies, 'I'll take a million bux...'
'What?' the bartender replies
'ILL TAKE A MILLION BUX!' the man replies louder.
Suddenly the bar is full of ducks quacking and feathers flying everywhere. The man asks 'What the fuck is wrong with this bartender?' and the other man replies, 'I don't know, but do you really think i asked for a 12 inch pianist?'
- 1 Reply to jakesunrise
Three guys are traveling by car through the countryside (that's fuckin right, i've got one of 'those' jokes) when the car breaks down. They walk for miles to find help and all they find is a lonely farm with a kindly farmer. 'sure you boys can stay the night, but don't fuck with my daughter, i'll know if you did and there will be hell to pay.'
The next morning the three men come down to breakfast and one has his tongue wrapped in toilet paper, the next has his right index finger wrapped up, and they can't see anything wrong with the third but there blood trickling down his leg. The farmer sitting at the table with a double barreled shot gun says, 'damnit boys, i told you not to fuck with my daughter. i had blade put in her pussy to keep her chaste. Now as consequence you each have to go out to my garden and pick one vegetable.'
Upon returning to their dismay the farmer says at gunpoint, 'now shove what you picked up your ass.' The man with the tongue is humiliated, but thankful he picked a strawberry. The man with the finger picked a carrot, but knows it isn't the worst thing that could happen. Suddenly the first to erupt into laughter and the farmer asks, 'now what the hell is so funny?' The two men reply, 'That third idiot is out there picking a watermelon...'
Not sure but till you tell us here is one to get your thread going. We will get the board back with dirty jokes. I like your style.
A couple of Ninety somethings had a one night stand. After ward the man thought to himself, "geez, if I knew she was a virgin I would havebeen more gentle."
The woman thought,"gosh, if i knew he could get it up I would have taken my panty hose off."
Budump bump bing.
- 2 Replies to A Yahoo! User
Delivering a crusading speech against porn videos, a mayoral candidate stormed: "I rented one of the these cassettes and was shocked to find five acts of oral sex, three of sodomy, a transsexual making love to a dog, and a woman accommodating five men at once. If elected, I will ban such filth. Any questions?"
Half a dozen people shouted, "Where did you rent the tape?"
I have some good ones out here I'll have to dig up later.
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