Lance Armstrong tries beer mile, fails

Sure, Lance Armstrong was pretty good at that French cycling race. But when it comes to good old-fashioned American beer drinkin' and runnin', well, he's not even in the mix.

Armstrong was invited to qualify for the first-ever Flo Beer Mile in Austin, Texas, an event where competitors must drink four beers as they run a mile. It's one of many such alcohol-and-exercise competitions, and it's apparently too much for the former seven-time Tour de France winner to handle.

In the time trials, Armstrong drank a beer, ran a lap, started on his second beer, declared "That was not what I expected," and dropped out, which makes him a wise man indeed.

“He drank Budweiser heavy from a 12 ounce can, no widemouth, following strict international beer mile standards," said Patrick Hitchens, who completed the beer mile in 6:08. "Perhaps his days with Michelob Ultra Lite put him at a disadvantage. He’s probably on his way to a gas station getting some Budweisers right now and practicing his chugging. He’s a competitor. I hope to see him out there again.”

Perhaps Armstrong could have a go at the world records of some of the other "digestive athletics" competitions, which BeerMile.com lists as:

• The Queen's Chunder Mile (20 oz. imperial pint from cup/glass, quarter, pint, 1/4, pint, 1/4, pint, 1/4; vomiting allowed)

• The Beer 2-Mile (8 beers, 8 quarters)

• The Beer Mile with Penalty (4 beers, 4 quarters + vomit = 5 quarters)

• The 4-Lap Beer Steeplechase (4 beers, 4 quarters, 16 barriers, 4 water pits)

• The 3000m Vodka Steeplechase (7 shots, standard 3k steeplechase)

• The Vodka 2-Mile (8 shots, 8 quarters)

• 4 x 40 Beer Relay (4 team members - 1 40 oz. beer, 1 quarter each)

• The Soda/Pop Mile (standard beer mile, soda instead of beer)

• The Chocolate-Milk Mile (48 oz. chocolate milk, 4 quarters)

• The Egg and Milk Mile (3 eggs, 500ml milk per lap)

• The Rubik's Cube Mile (solve a cube, quarter, cube, quarter, cube, quarter, cube, quarter)

• The Ben and Jerry's 4x4 (4 pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream - 300+ calories/serving, 4 miles)

• The Beer Half-Marathon (13 beers, 13 miles)

• The 24 and 24 in 24 (24 beers, 24 miles, in 24 hours or less)

• The Bicentennial (100 beers, 100 miles, any order)

• The Renaissance Mile (1 mile, solve a Rubik's cube, drink a 40oz of malt liquor, dunk a basketball on a 10' rim, play Chopin's Minute Waltz, eat a pint of ice cream, any order)

Yeah, we're fairly certain some of those might be lethal, so please don't try them at home. Or on the roads. Or anywhere, really.

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Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Contact him at jay.busbee@yahoo.com or find him on Twitter.

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