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    Dirty Tackle

    What Zlatan Ibrahimovic whispered to Thierry Henry

    By Brooks Peck | Dirty Tackle – Thu, Feb 16, 2012 8:19 PM EST

    Thierry Henry gets his ear Zlatanized.

    Following Milan's 4-0 win against Arsenal on Wednesday, Zlatan Ibrahimovic whispered something in the ear of his former Barcelona teammate, Thierry Henry. Thierry found it quite funny. This is what Ibrahimovic said:

    I am Zlatan.

    I have the power of eight million Spartan soldiers and the hairstyle of a deadly samurai who works at a hibachi restaurant on the weekends.

    Pep Guardiola smells so bad that his signature cologne would be made of the slime in a kangaroo's pouch and old people.

    I wrote a book called "I am Zlatan" because I am the world's foremost expert on being Zlatan. Pep Guardiola is not an expert on being Zlatan because he is the human equivalent to a pond of gonorrhea.

    Your shirt is the same color as Pep Guardiola's pants after he wets himself while thinking about how much better I am than him in all facets of life. Including Will Smith trivia.

    I am going to be the Prime Minister of the universe and I will make you my Secretary of Ninjas and Health Care.

    I'm going to slap Robinho in the eardrum and then kick Theo Walcott into the seventh dimension a.k.a. Zlatan's ball pit. Pep Guardiola has morning breath in the evening and he's fallen behind noted Zlatanist Jose Mourinho.

    Carlton Banks' real name is Alfonso Ribeiro. Point: Zlatan.

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    22 comments

    • Brett M
      Brett M  •  3 months ago
      hahahahah fucking hell brooks this was too good. I was dying before I even read the Alfonso Ribeiro name drop. A+
    • Nora
      Nora  •  Seattle, Washington  •  3 months ago
      Brooks, I love you. Please never change
    • Carlos H
      Carlos H  •  Miami, Florida  •  3 months ago
      "Me and you tonight, sexy time"
    • Sergei
      Sergei  •  Freeport, New York  •  3 months ago
      "I'm coming to the Red Bulls"
    • bryan p
      bryan p  •  Montreal, Canada  •  3 months ago
      I couldn't stop laughing
    • MJ
      MJ  •  3 months ago
      These are fantastic, Brooks!
      I saw this same question asked on Fox soccer's Facebook page. There I learned that 99% of all the guys who commented only think about gay sex. : ( Here there were only 2 guys out of 20 male comments who only think about gay sex. : )
    • CommonSense!
      CommonSense!  •  3 months ago
      Ibra has a way of showing up in big games.
    • ivan
      ivan  •  Portland, Oregon  •  3 months ago
      "I wish you had that beard when were together in Barcelona. It would of made dealing with Pep better"
    • bones_boy
      bones_boy  •  3 months ago
      He asked Thierry "Will you pose with me in picture like Pique?"
    • MikeyB
      MikeyB  •  3 months ago
      Does this blog actually pay your bills?
      • Brooks
        Brooks 3 months ago
        It pays for more than that.
      • Vince
        Vince 3 months ago
        Brooks is such a champion.
      • Michael
        Michael 3 months ago
        It pays for the bills and the hibbidy-dibbidy.
    • hessshaun
      hessshaun  •  Royersford, Pennsylvania  •  3 months ago
      I don't get the long ranting joke stories on here.
      • Brooks
        Brooks 3 months ago
        Fair enough. We do plenty of other stuff too.
      • Yogesh
        Yogesh 3 months ago
        Do what I did and read the 3,842 archives! :D
      • hessshaun
        hessshaun 3 months ago
        I do read the other stuff. DT is a definitely go to for me, I check it all the time and thoroughly enjoy. I just don't get the comedic value of the long ranting post.
    • Samuel
      Samuel  •  Delaware, Ohio  •  3 months ago
      Really? did this article pass through an editor
      • Brooks
        Brooks 3 months ago
        Yes! Me.
      • phemmie
        phemmie 3 months ago
        ah!some people are just too serious they dont get it....AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH
      • NYC Tim
        NYC Tim 3 months ago
        It depends on what you mean by "pass through." Point: Zlatan!
    • Rich
      Rich  •  3 months ago
      D_a_t_e___r-i-c-h___P_e_o_p_l_e___H_e_r_e
      • Bubba Ray
        Bubba Ray 3 months ago
        Well, Dammit, I am here. Now what?? You are not helping.
    • ELucas
      ELucas  •  New York, New York  •  3 months ago
      I'm going to say "Point: Zlatan!" at the end of all my sentences, even if I'm horribly wrong.
    • Stormy
      Stormy  •  3 months ago
      arsenal sure got the premium zlatan treatment
    • blue_wahoo
      blue_wahoo  •  3 months ago
      Random musing of Thierry Henry as he falls asleep in Zlatan's choke hold....

      If I play against this guy again, I'm hiring Oguchi as a body guard...
    • Vince
      Vince  •  Philadelphia, Pennsylvania  •  3 months ago
      Guys, clearly this blog is as successful as it is because Brooks read the "How to be like Zlatan in 5,439 easy steps" book, written through telepathic calligraphy by Zlatan Ibrahimovic himself.
    • Miguel Jose
      Miguel Jose  •  3 months ago
      What did I just read?
    • Bill
      Bill  •  3 months ago
      Nah, it was none of those things. He simply said, "Andrei Arshavin" over and over.
    • Meto
      Meto  •  Skopje, Macedonia  •  2 months ago
      You cant compare Thierry Henry with Zlatan Ibrahimovic...Henry was a legend at Arsenal and Ibra is great now for Milan but for me Henry is player on and off the field and he was playing fantastic when he was younger he is great now but he doesnt has that speed that he had at the time playing for Arsenal...
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