With the exception of a few moments of flair and the odd surprising result, it's been a fairly mundane World Cup so far: cautious tactics have stopped anyone from having any fun in their opening games, the high altitude is leaving many players breathless and the vuvuzelas are drowning out any chance of a traditional partisan atmosphere.
Boredom has not only been prevailing on the pitch, but also off it. Wayne Rooney hinted at his indifference yesterday, but has now expanded on his daily dissatisfaction, explaining that a typical day in South Africa for a player consists of nothing more than "Breakfast, train, lunch, bed, dinner, bed." This, of course, is a far cry from the varied and dynamic routine of a Premier League footballer back home, which is more like: "Breakfast, train, lunch, play Xbox, bed, play more Xbox, dinner, a little bit of Xbox, nightclub, Xbox, bed."
Roo has also lambasted the lifestyle that college students and the unemployable hold dearly:
"Lying in bed at two in the afternoon, that's quite boring.
"Thankfully the games are on now so that takes a bit of the boredom away but sometimes it's a long day."
Both the thrill of playing football in front of billions of people, and the thrill of public urination have failed to lift England's greatest weapon from his funk. Clearly, there's only on thing that will cheer him up and raise the spirit of the entire team: Rio Ferdinand needs to step and bring back his side-splitting World Cup wind-ups. Come on Rio, an entire nation depends on your animal death-based hilarity.