Appearing on a Spanish television show, Barcelona goalkeeper Victor Valdes was asked by a puppet whether he'd be more afraid of facing Cristiano Ronaldo at the penalty spot or his Real Madrid teammate Pepe in a dark alley. The answer, of course, was Pepe in a dark alley. Valdes laughed as he said it, but only out of nervousness induced by the mere thought of such a nightmarish scenario.
Pepe has been striking fear and pain into the hearts, hands, backs, faces and various other body parts of his opponents — Barcelona players in particular — for years now (compilation video here). And since the potential damage of getting too close to Pepe is far greater than anything Ronaldo could do with a penalty kick, Valdes' choice was an obvious one. Then again, invoking his name in such a fashion could focus Pepe's eternal fury on Valdes and Valdes alone.
Nothing can save Victor Valdes now.