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Translating the revolutionary features of the new Premier League/Serie A/La Liga ball

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle
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(Nike)

Nike has unveiled the Ordem — the ball that will be used in the Premier League, Serie A and La Liga for the 2014/15 season that sounds like it might also be a time travel device. This isn't just any old ball, though. It has features. And several of them are brand new innovations to the exciting world of ball technology.

Since Nike's explanations of these new features are riddled with technical industry terms, I've taken the liberty of translating these explanations into practical terms.

The Nike Ordem ball is designed and engineered for a highly sensitive feel and explosive response off the foot. The ball consists of 12 fuse-welded panels in a three-layer casing system, and a poly-blend wrapped, free-floating carbon latex bladder.

Translation: You can pee in it.

The Nike Ordem features NIKE AEROW TRAC grooves, Nike Football’s newest proprietary innovation. The grooves are engineered to grip and channel the air to produce the truest trajectory and most consistent flight, which help ensure stability and accuracy in mid-air.

Translation: This ball makes sweet, sweet love to the air. If air could get pregnant with little air babies, this ball would give it triplets every time.

The surface of the Nike Ordem is emblazoned with Nike’s RaDaR (Rapid Decision and Response) technology. This is a graphic pattern, unique to each league, which creates a flickering effect as the ball rotates. RaDaR makes it easier for players to see the ball in their peripheral vision, allowing for faster reactions and decision-making.

Translation: This ball might cause Wayne Rooney to have a seizure.

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(Photo by Andrew Powell/Liverpool FC via Getty Images)

(Photo by Andrew Powell/Liverpool FC via Getty Images)

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

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