DT welcomes back Tim Squantin, a first-time writer who has decided he knows a lot about the beautiful game, to share his trials and tribulations as a fan.
The season is entering it's final stretch — an exciting time when true football fans like me begin to see who their favorite club really is. And after last weekend's matches, it's clear that Liverpool are the club every smart fan should support right now.
Liverpool, known as the Other Reds, totally embarrassed Manchester United at the Old Trafford Stadium. This led to the creation of so many awesome hot fire memes putting down Man United and their incompetent manager David Moyes that made me really happy that I'm not a fan of theirs anymore. They really made you wonder how the founder of the club, Sir Alex Ferguson, could get away with making his nephew (they're both Scottish) manager when he clearly had no previous experience in football.
Anyway, enough about them, let's move on to Liverpool. The Other Reds aren't in first place — that would be Chelsea, whose manager assures us they won't win the league. This is good for new Liverpool supporters though, because now we can honestly say that we've been with the club since the painful days of being in second with a game in hand. That's called paying your dues as a fan.
They play the game the right way, mainly by winning and having HILARIOUS goal celebrations. Their top scorer is Luis Suarez, who everyone loves and just seems like a really nice guy. Some players do things that make it hard to support them, but I've been watching Suarez very closely the last few weeks and the man is truly saint. And like me, very loyal. Their captain is Steven Gerrard, who is also England captain. His dad is the famous singer Phil Collins.
Another plus is that Liverpool have American owners. And everyone knows American owners are the best at getting fans excited, since they use words like "franchise" and "market" and "strategic partnership." That always gets me pumped up and in the mood for undying sports passion! When I heard they had Dunkin' Donuts as a sponsor, I threw away all the Krispy Kremes I keep in my shower (the frosting just tastes better when it's wet) and went in to the nearest Dunkin' and said Brendan Rodgers' name a bunch of times but they wouldn't give me any free donuts.
One negative with Liverpool is that their fans always sing an old song called "You'll Never Walk Alone." I love singing songs as much as the next true fan, but to do the same one over and over again seems a little repetitive. It's also a pretty sappy and outdated tune. As one of the club's newest diehard supporters, I propose we rotate the song we sing and keep them contemporary and fresh. For example, "Timber" by Ke$sha would be perfect. Maybe that song about being happy by Pharrell Williams because football is all about being happy and never experiencing any other less pleasant emotions.
Being a part of history is another reason to support Liverpool now. They've never won the Premier League. They did win the prehistoric league that preceded it a bunch, but that was probably an amateur competition because it didn't have the word "Premier" in it or the backing of international corporations that make a sport worthwhile. They also won the Champions League in 2005, but not that many people saw it and they had to come from behind against Milan, who are even worse than Man United now.
So let's go Liverpool! We'll become "Championes, championes, ole ole ole!" and then sing Ke$ha songs all night long!
Previously from The Glory Hunter: Deciding who to like when first place keeps changing
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