The Spanish press are leaving no stone unturned when it comes to discovering the source of The Sad, and have little option but to resort to the pseudoscience of graphology — or handwriting analysis — to give an explanation. Madrid-based paper Marca has submitted the autograph above to a company named Grafoclic, which offers some insightful, if painfully obvious, scrutiny of the Portuguese star's penmanship.
Alberto Asiain, manager of Grafoclic, firstly comments on the angle of the signature:
"The first thing is that the signature is tilted upwards. This indicates high ambitions and desire to excel."
It also means the paper might be slightly tilted. And this tells us nothing about The Sad. Asiain continues:
"The word 'Ronaldo' dominates and appears complete, with a simple C referring to Christian. Capitalization reveals egocentric traits."
Wait, he capitalizes the first letters of his name? And he has a big ego? Stop the press! Asiain goes on to analyze the inclusion of his squad number in the signature:
"It indicates is that he is a reserved man, who does not speak of his personal life, and only the professional when strictly necessary.
"In his signature the 'C' is separated from 'Ronaldo', "marking a clear gap between the professional and strictly personal."
Interesting, but still no explanation of The Sad! This is your last chance, Marca:
Another personality trait that appears very strong in his autograph is that he is "kind, polite and outgoing whenever he is in the spotlight, something that is reflected in the union of the letters".
Finally, "large irregularities in the size of the letters indicate a big ego."
So, after all that, there's no explanation of The Sad, and an analysis that could have been determined by a vague knowledge of C-Ron's personality. Graphology, you are literally the worst.
- Cristiano Ronaldo