Manuel Neuer: Hey, I made the Ballon d'Or shortlist! How about you, Franck?
Franck Ribery: Yep, I'm on it. How about you, Thomas?
Thomas Muller: I'm there. How about you, Arjen?
Arjen Robben: I see my name. How about you, Philipp?
Philipp Lahm: Wow, Thiago Silva and I are the only defenders on it! How about you, Bastian?
Bastian Schweinsteiger: Present. How about you, David?
David Alaba: Just leave me alone! I didn't even want to be on that stupid list anyway! I hate lists and I hate all of you!
The 2013 Ballon d'Or shortlist has been released, sparking pointless debate over the inclusion/exclusion of names that are ultimately irrelevant because they aren't Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo. The 23-man list could make things a bit awkward in Bayern Munich's dressing room, though. Six members of the treble winning squad were included, leaving the five members of the their starting XI who were left off to feel worthless and alone.
Here's the list in full:
Gareth Bale (Real Madrid), Edinson Cavani (Paris Saint-Germain), Radamel Falcao (Monaco), Eden Hazard (Chelsea), Zlatan Ibrahimovic (Paris Saint-Germain), Andres Iniesta (Barcelona), Philipp Lahm (Bayern Munich), Robert Lewandowski (Borussia Dortmund), Lionel Messi (Barcelona), Thomas Muller (Bayern Munich), Manuel Neuer, (Bayern Munich), Neymar (Barcelona), Mesut Ozil (Arsenal), Andrea Pirlo (Juventus), Franck Ribery (Bayern Munich), Arjen Robben (Bayern Munich), Cristiano Ronaldo (Real Madrid), Bastian Schweinsteiger (Bayern Munich), Luis Suarez (Liverpool), Thiago Silva (Paris Saint-Germain), Yaya Touré (Manchester City), Robin Van Persie (Manchester United), Xavi (Barcelona).
And the FIFA World Coach of the Year shortlist:
Carlo Ancelotti (Paris Saint-Germain), Rafael Benítez (Napoli), Antonio Conte (Juventus), Vicente del Bosque (Spain), Alex Ferguson (formerly Manchester United), Jupp Heynckes (formerly Bayern Munich), Jurgen Klopp (Borussia Dortmund), Jose Mourinho (Chelsea), Luiz Felipe Scolari (Brazil), Arsene Wenger (Arsenal).
If Jupp Heynckes doesn't win that, there should be a riot.
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