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Dirty Tackle

Sergio Ramos satisfies Xavi’s desire for Real Madrid to congratulate Barcelona

Sergio Ramos with a lurking Xavi. (Reuters)

Even though another Clasico-filled season is over and Spain is on the very of starting their Euro 12 campaign, Barcelona midfield wizard Xavi has decided to prod the Real Madrid v Barcelona tensions over a lack of adequate congratulations. In the past, Xavi has grumbled about Real Madrid's style of play and how he thinks Barca are under-appreciated within Spain, but this might be his silliest complaint yet.

From Soccernet:

Xavi has now risked provoking the Real Madrid players in the squad as he repeated comments he made in January and April suggesting Barca's players have a more sporting approach.

"We have congratulated them when they won," he told Canal+. "That is sport at the end of the day. We have been very respectful with them. However, I have noted that it wasn't the same in reverse."

In the interest of squashing this beef before the Real Madrid and Barcelona players must come together to defend Spain's Euro title, Sergio Ramos has penned a letter to Xavi congratulating Barcelona on their successes. Here it is...

My Dearest Xavi,

Even though we've been training together and I've been using your shower shoes everyday without asking, I have only just learned of your latest displeasure through the media. So, on behalf of Real Madrid, allow me to offer my formal congratulations on winning that thing I dropped under the bus last year.

I can't tell you how sorry I am that it took this long for my club and I to congratulate Barcelona on this and all of your successes. But there is a very good reason: We don't care. Seriously, we don't. Even a turtle cares more about congratulating you than we do and turtles don't care at all. (Side note: you kind of look like a turtle. No offense. Just kidding, total offense.)

Unlike you, we'd rather not pretend to be polite in public just so we can be all self-righteous (yeah, I read the dictionary for fun sometimes....kaboom.) about it later. I was going to say something else that was going to completely burn you with fire and insults but I forgot what it was and all I have written on this paper I found in my pocket is "goat milk." Doesn't make sense? Don't care.

So, yeah, that's it. To summarize my points: 1) We don't care about congratulating annoying people we don't want to congratulate. 2) You shouldn't either. 3) Goat milk. And as an added bonus, I've included a picture of me wearing sunglasses and giving a double thumbs up while showing off my new haircut that I gave myself with your scissors before not cleaning them. Ayyy!

Sincerely,

Mr. The Ramos

View photo

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Sergio "The Fonz" Ramos. (@SergioRamos)

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