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Dirty Tackle

Random musings of a ‘confused and angry’ Wayne Rooney

Dirty Tackle

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Wayne Rooney is reportedly feeling "confused and angry" by Manchester United's treatment of him as they publicly deny he is for sale despite his transfer request in May. According to the Guardian, Rooney has most recently been upset by manager David Moyes said that "overall my thought on Wayne is, if for any reason we had an injury to Robin van Persie, we'll need him" and vice president Ed Woodward said the club "be afraid to run a contract down."

These are the thoughts of a confused and angry Wayne Rooney...

Jean-Claude Van Damme needs to be on Downton Abbey. ... Starting to feel like naming the boys Kai and Klay was a bad idea. Must stop accidentally calling them Klai and DeMarcus. ... Stupid Moyes only thinks of me as a backup to Van Persie. It's just because he scores more goals. Is in better shape. Hasn't asked the club to sell him twice in three years. And didn't eat all of the plane's hand soap on the first hour of the trip to Thailand. Van Persie would've vomited so much quicker than I did. ... Edinson Cavani to PSG. They're probably just paying £55 million for that hair. That's all that matters in this society. ... F***! Just called Klay DeMarcus again...

Why isn't there a cure for death yet? Scientists should have their contracts run down. ... Gareth Bale on the cover of FIFA 14 instead of me? Oh, I wonder why. Let's see: HAIR. It's like Martin Luther King's dream never happened. ... Barcelona probably trying to dump Cesc Fabregas on Man United so they can buy me for £90 million, but playing with Messi and Neymar would be the worst. "Oops, we just scored five goals instead of passing to you, Wayne. Sorry." ... "Oops. We're talking to each other in Spanish and Brazilian because we don't know a real language, so every time we laugh you'll think we're making a joke about you. By the way, iPads will never have buttons..."

David Moyes probably speaks Brazilian. ... Why can't raw meat taste like cooked meat? ... DeMarcus is crying again. ... Van Dammeton Abbey still isn't happening yet. ... Fernando Torres goal drought with Chelsea or no more trophies ever again with Arsenal? ... I AM SO CONFUSED AND ANGRY. ... That's it. I'm going to falcon punch an Xbox until everything makes sense again...

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