Now that David Moyes has been brushed aside like dandruff in a shampoo commercial and caretaker player-manager Ryan Giggs has been confirmed as a purely short-term fix, Manchester United must get down to the matter of finding The Chosen One Part II: Chosen Harder. Eager to show that they learned from the David Moyes goof-up, the Telegraph's Mark Ogden reports that the club will look to bring in "a proven manager with experience of winning major trophies." Naturally, they have several preferred candidates so let's look at the pros and cons of each.
Pros: Won every trophy ever invented with Barcelona and claimed the Bundesliga title in record time during his first season at Bayern Munich.
Cons: He's already said he doesn't want the job. Also, Pep Guardiola following David Moyes somewhere would probably make the universe melt.
Pros: Two-time Bundesliga winner, Champions League runner-up, charismatic and beloved by football fans all over the world.
Cons: Also does not want the job. And he would probably stab Wayne Rooney with a fork if he tried to pull that "demand a transfer just to get a bigger contract" move on his watch (this doubles as a pro).
Pros: He's won major titles in Italy, England, France and now Spain. His left eyebrow commands respect and conveys a potent mix of drama and mystery.
Cons: He could still win the treble for Real Madrid in his first season there, so he's probably not leaving unless he accidentally sells Gareth Bale to Barcelona for a trunk full of used board games and gets sacked.
Louis van Gaal
Pros: Champions League winner with Ajax, plus titles with Barcelona, AZ Alkmaar and Bayern Munich. As the Netherlands' manager, he maintains a strong relationship with Man United striker Robin van Persie. Plus he actually wants the job.
Cons: He will show the players his testicles to demonstrate his power and he might be completely insane.
Pros: He's managed to disrupt Real Madrid and Barcelona's domination of La Liga and he's won the Europa League and UEFA Super Cup.
Cons: Doesn't speak English, nor does he seem to have much interest in any club not called Atletico Madrid.
Pros: The man many more people now believe should have been Sir Alex Ferguson's replacement in the first place. He's won the Champions League twice and he's already won the Premier League title twice with Chelsea as well. He uses the press like finger puppets and he already has his own nickname.
Cons: He would only pretend to be interested so he could mock the club's executives to their face for choosing Moyes instead of him and he would continue to do so long after a normal person would move on with their life.
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