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Dirty Tackle

Premier League Positives: Fifth is the new first

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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The Premier League's fixture congestion over the holiday season adds to an already stressful time. It's important to keep some perspective going into the new year, so lets try and say something nice about all 20 clubs.

Arsenal: First!

Aston Villa: Haven't scored more than one goal in any of their last five matches BUT they haven't scored less than zero in those games either.

Cardiff City: Vincent Tan is the Premier League's new Mario Balotelli. It's impossible to know which tales about him are true and which are media daydreams, but there's a good chance he will pull off his Cardiff shirt to reveal "Why always me?" written on his button-down dress shirt underneath after the club's next win.

Chelsea: 1) No one has figured out how to ignore Jose Mourinho's trolling. 2) Nicolas Anelka is someone else's problem.

Crystal Palace: Only lost 1-0 to Man City and gave Joe Hart a funky eye. That's basically a win.

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Everton: In the midst of consecutive matches against all four Premier League clubs whose names start with "S" (Swansea, Sunderland, Southampton, Stoke) The Toffees are still top four, though. And you thought the league was conspiring against your club.

Fulham: Getting Clint Dempsey (for two months), Alan Curbishley and Ray Wilkins all in one week has the same effect on the brain as spinning around really fast in a desk chair. It's fun...for now, at least.

Hull City: Now that Tom Huddlestone has finally scored, his teammates won't lose their phones and sandwiches in his hair anymore.

Liverpool: There is far too much pressure at the top of the table. It's much more sensible to make a late season run at the title from fifth place.

Man City: All you have to do to get a clean sheet out of Joe Hart is make his face bleed!

Man United: Despite all the talk of having the worst season ever, they're now just two points behind Liverpool, who have the best player in the league right now and were in first place about five minutes ago. And that's with an injured Robin van Persie.

Newcastle: Compared to Vincent Tan, Mike Ashley is downright lovable.

Norwich: Giving Danny Welbeck and Ashley Young a confidence boost is perhaps the most generous holiday gift of all.

Southampton: Artur Boruc's recovery from a broken hand is still progressing. On Christmas Day, he headbutted a nail through his palm and didn't feel a thing.

Stoke: Mark Hughes is currently in the lead for furthest coat throw by a manager this season.

Sunderland: Scored more goals in the final 10 minutes of their comeback against Cardiff than they did in their previous three matches combined.

Swansea: It's been 1,417 days since Michael Laudrup had a bad hair day!

Tottenham: Currently enjoying the famous post-AVB bump.

West Brom: At least Anelka only signed a one-year deal.

West Ham: Every week a club goes without a racism controversy is a good week.

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

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