Dirty Tackle

‘Only Andrei Arshavin himself knows the second condition’ for Zenit to take him back

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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Andrei Arshavin thinks this is a car. (Getty)

Zenit St Petersburg showed their intent to become a European power by dumping between €80-100 million on Hulk and Axel Witsel, but one player noticeably absent from their acquisition list as the Russian transfer window draws to a close is Andrei Arshavin. Arsenal loaned the out of favor 31-year-old back to Zenit, the club they got him from in 2009, for the second half of last season and a permanent deal seemed inevitable. But here we are in September and Arshavin is still with Arsenal, even though they have slashed his price tag to exactly nothing.

From RAI Novosti:

Arsenal have allowed Arshavin to leave on a free transfer, which was one of Zenit's conditions for signing their former player, [Zenit general director Maxim] Mitrofanov said.

"We'd been talking about that with Arsenal for a long time. It was one of two absolute conditions for us," Mitrofanov said of Arsenal's decision not to charge a fee.

"Only Arshavin himself knows the second condition."

What could the second condition be?! And why is it such a secret? Here are some possibilities...

-He must go a whole hour without giggling.
-He must start answering questions from fans on his official website again.
-He must make Cristiano Ronaldo happy again.
-He must share his grandmother's pickle flavored Lays.
-He must defeat Vladimir Putin at both judo and shirtless fishing.
-He must finally eliminate arch-nemesis Slippery Pete.
-He must start playing consistently well again.

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