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Dirty Tackle

Nicklas Bendtner has three demands any prospective new clubs must meet

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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Nicklas Bendtner wondering what Nicklas Bendtner is doing right now. (Getty)

Though he's coming off a strong Euro 2012 performance in which he scored twice and led the tournament in underpants-based advertising, both Arsenal and Nicklas Bendtner agree that he has no future with the club. Even as they struggle to hold on to captain Robin van Persie, 24-year-old Bendtner just doesn't seem to fit into Arsenal's plans and he's ready to move on to a club that will honor his three demands.

From Football365:

"Arsenal is not an option and that is something both the club and I agree on," Bendtner told sporten.dk.

Of course, Nicklas Bendtner will not grace just any old football club with his overwhelming self-confidence.

Asked if he had turned down some offers, Bendtner added: "Yes I have and there are a lot of different reasons for that.

"I have three demands and I won't sign a deal with a club who aren't prepared to fill those demands."

Unfortunately, Nicklas did not reveal what those three demands are, but we can make an educated guess...

1. Club must pay all underpants related fines and outstanding pizza debts.

2. Club must produce a video series in which all staff members laugh at Arsenal for no less than three hours and 45 minutes when Nicklas Bendtner wins the Ballon d'Or. And if Nicklas Bendtner does not win the Ballon d'Or, club must take full blame for not utilizing him properly. Either way, tofu nuggets must be served by the team chef every Tuesday. This will be known as Nicklas Bendtner Presents Tofu Tuesday. If it is referred to as anything else (including, but not limited to, "Tofu Tuesday" or "Nicklas Bendnter Presents Vomit Nuggets"), the contract is null and void.

3. Club must meet three more demands tomorrow. Forever.

I mean, that's just smart demanding.

UPDATE: Bendtner has shared his real demands and they are as follows (via Sky Sports)...

Speaking to Sporten.dk, Bendtner said that his first wish was to play in the UEFA Champions League and be able to travel to London to visit his son without any hassle.

He continued: "Secondly I need to be happy. A lot of people think that it is all about the money, but money does not matter if you are not happy.

"I have been in a situation before where I made a lot of money without being happy. I need to be happy when I come in which is universal for everyone.

"You need to be excited to come in to work."

Asked about the final condition, Bendtner concluded: "Playing regularly."

He didn't demand three more demands with his last demand?! He totally blew it. Then again, Nicklas Bendtner demanding happiness can include a lot of things.

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