Sugar water peddlers Pepsi have unveiled a brand-new football-themed commercial entitled "Now Is What You Make It."
Instead of the cheeky concepts of the past — which have included David Beckham and his friends gunslinging in the Wild West and a group of world-class professionals failing to outrun some Sumo wrestlers — the cola brand shows us a teenager creating an inventive version of David Bowie's 'Heroes' while walking through the streets.
On his way, he meets plenty of international football stars, most of whom he is incredibly obnoxious to. In essence, this kid is really annoying. Here's what we learn about him:
- He accepts a spray paint can from a graffiti artist, but instead of helping him create something, he needlessly sprays it in the air and puts the can down nowhere near its owner. Nice one.
- He puts a can of drink on a piano in the street (use a coaster!) and starts playing it, much like everyone plays musical instruments they find on the street.
- For absolutely no reason, he tries to rip a newspaper out of someone's hands. It turns out to be Leo Messi, who doesn't seem as annoyed as he should be.
- He leaves a discarded cola can on top of a car. Hey, Messi isn't reading his newspaper any more, he can throw it away for you, kid!
- David Luiz and Sergio Aguero are peacefully trying to enjoy six bottles of Pepsi outside the caravan they share, but the kid comes along and hits them all with some dirty drum sticks he probably found on the ground, making them undrinkable. Luiz almost spits his Pepsi out in disbelief, but to his credit, he manages to keep his tongue in his mouth.
- Jack Wilshere is uninjured long enough to perform some tricks on the street. When the Arsenal midfielder passes the ball to the kid, he kicks it in the other direction. DOWN A MASSIVE HILL. Yes, Wilshere has a broken foot and the kid casually boots his ball down a never-ending set of steps. This really feels like bullying now.
- Sergio Ramos eventually picks up Wilshere's ball and offers to give it back, but the kid simply shrugs his shoulders, as if to say "It's your problem now! Wilshere is 600ft up a hill that way!"
- The kid gets on a bus — without paying — and decides the best course of action is to lean over the driver and honk the horn. Yeah, bus drivers love that.
- After tipping a busking Janelle Monae (his only redeeming act) he completely ignores Robin van Persie before winding back at the same place he started to drink his 90th Pepsi of the day.
This kid is the worst.
Pepsi are also offering an interactive version of the commercial, but sadly an option to slap some manners into the protagonist isn't available.
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- David Bowie