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Dirty Tackle

Memorable conversations between Carlo Ancelotti and Zinedine Zidane

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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Schalke v Real Madrid, Champions League round of 16 first leg

Zidane: Carlo?

Ancelotti: Yes, Zizzy?

Zidane: I've got this really weird feeling right now.

Ancelotti: I do, too. I just got this intense craving for grapes and it's making me tingle. Look at my eyebrow.

Zidane: No, I think- I think we are on the verge of witnessing the cosmic alignment of a football team and the transcendence of two great players who are becoming complimentary halves of a single mystical unit resulting in unspeakable beauty and perhaps...La Decima.

Ancelotti: I wonder if I have time to get some grapes before the match starts. Do you think this place has a grape sponsor?

Zidane: Nevermind that, do you see this too? Do you see the sunburst of a profound revelation? What do you think?

Ancelotti: I think we're going to win. And I think I'm going to have a grape massacre in my mouth at halftime.

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Real Madrid v Atletico Madrid, Copa del Rey semifinal first leg

Zidane: This is an awkward way to shake hands.

Ancelotti: I know, but it's happening, so just go with it. You can't stop it now.

Zidane: I think we should.

Ancelotti: If you stop it now it's going to end as awkwardly as it began. Just keep it going until it smooths itself out.

Zidane: That's not going to happen. That's not something that happens.

Ancelotti: It's going to happen. Trust me. This has happened to me before and afterwards I regretted ending it too soon.

Zidane: I think I have to pull away now.

Ancelotti: Don't pull away. We have always had very good handshakes. If we go long enough it can be saved and our record will remain in tact. Otherwise who knows what could happen.

Zidane: I think I have to.

Ancelotti: Five more seconds. It will smooth itself out in five more seconds and then we'll beat Atletico.

Zidane: Wow, it actually did. That ended very well. You were right.

Ancelotti: Ah, it was six seconds. That was six seconds. Now I'm upset.

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Espanyol v Real Madrid

Ancelotti: Fffffftttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. We're going to win 1-0. Ronaldo goal.

Zidane: I say Pepe.

Ancelotti: Huh. That would be freaky.

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Osasuna v Real Madrid

Ancelotti: So you're just going to do that right over me?

Zidane: We're just shaking hands.

Ancelotti: Like I'm not existing right in the middle of it.

Zidane: I already shook your hand and now I'm shaking his.

Ancelotti: And you're forming a hand bridge right across me. You should have stood up to do that. To ensure there was no one in the handshake crossfire.

Zidane: Then it would feel like I'm asking him to dance.

Ancelotti: Maybe that would be nice.

Zidane: Ok.

Ancelotti: Now we're not going to win. We can't recover from that. Not today.

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

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