Modeling stuff again? This is worse than eating broccoli covered in extra vitamins. Why can't they just let me play football and have fun and smile? If I wanted to be a model person I would have put on some fashion things and crossed the street without holding someone's hand and looking both ways already because modeling is dumb. They didn't even give me shoes this time. When will this be over?
Now my hair's all wet. This must be what Ronaldo feels like all the time. I can't believe they're making me wear dots again. And this sweater can't be new. The sleeves are fraying. Someone's grandpa probably died in it and now they're making me wear it in modeling so it doesn't get wasted. I want a shirt. They probably don't even give out trophies for modeling and the ice cream selection here is terrible.
Making me do this instead of football is so mean. I'm never going to make fun of Ronaldo again. He does this a lot, so no wonder he's always unhappy. I'm going to make him a macaroni card and a voucher for hugs. I just want to go home and play Lego Treasure Island until I remember how to laugh again. These shorts are awful.
Please make it stop.
See more from Messi's Esquire cover shoot here.