Lionel Messi apologizes for proving that Barcelona aren’t finished yet

Brooks Peck
March 13, 2013

I'm sorry. Even though the two goals I scored to help Barcelona come from behind to beat Milan and stay in the Champions League made me and my friends feel like we were drinking the greatest cup of hot chocolate Santa Claus ever made, I'm aware that it ruined things for a lot of people. Not just the Milan fans that wanted to see their club win (sorry times four, Milan), but everyone who thought Barcelona weren't as good anymore. This puts some sadness sprinkles on my doughnuts of joy.

So I apologize for helping to make you be wrong. I know being wrong isn't fun and I wouldn't want to wish it on anyone. One time, I only hoped to score one goal in a match but I ended up scoring five, so I really do know how it feels to be wrong sometimes.

Please don't blame yourselves, though. You had plenty of reasons to believe that our time had passed. We lost twice to Real Madrid in one week and we lost in Milan in the first leg. I had never scored a goal against an Italian team that wasn't penalty (until now, when it only took me five minutes to score one against them that wasn't a penalty). And not everyone can be empathetic enough to realize that having your manager receive cancer treatment in another country during the season is hard sometimes. Plus I understand how you would ignore the fact that we've had a comfortable lead atop La Liga all season and that I've now scored in a record 17 straight league matches because, like mermaids and race car beds, sometimes I forget those things are real too.

(Gerard Pique is reading this as I write and asked if I'm being "sarcastic" but I've never heard of that. Please don't think that.)

Since I really want to make everyone feel as happy as a unicorn that protects children from pornography on the internet, if you're upset about Barcelona not being awful now, just download the official Lionel Messi frown form on my website, fill it out in triplicate, get it notarized by a leprechaun and present it to me on the pitch during a match. Once I make sure everything is in order in between scoring goals between Philippe Mexes' legs, I will give you a hug, sign 10 autographs and let you live in my house for as long as you want.

Anyway, I have to go to sleep now and dream about candy and Lego and smiles and jumping into the sky instead of to conclusions. Goodnight!