The U.S. advance to the knockout rounds of the 2010 World Cup thanks in part to two goals in two games from Landon Donovan, including a massive winner in stoppage time against Algeria. And after coming up so big for his team and his country, Landon* found the time to once again write to his friends and family back home.
Hey what's up, dudes?
How's everything hangin' back in Californbrah? Things here are pretty chill. I've seen some dope animals. Also, Edson Buddle managed to win the World Cup with Macedonia on XBox which was kind of sick. Oh, and...
I'm so freaking rum and stoked out of my cabesa right now you have no idea, dudes. I did what I was born to do. Born to run. And then slam game winners in the back of the twine and become the first ever American soccer legend. Duh. AMERICA!!! I literally just murdered it and instantly blacked out once that ball went in. I blacked back in when Stu Holden attacked me with his over-styled flow in the dog pile. It's all good though, he's still legit because he dangles with me for the States.
And then I had to throw a shout out to my babe-piece Bianca when Jeremy Schapski was asking for a first-broseph perspective on my gloriousness. So what if we divorced? Real cute girl. Maybe that sexy thing wants back on the horse. I mean, I did just score the greatest goal in American history. I wouldn't blame her if I wasn't me and I was her instead, wanting to get back with me. But I am me. Landon Donovan. And I am the American dream. Maybe I'm like some epic combination of Gatsby and Bruce Springsteen, scoring g-notes to get my baby-g back in the saddle.
Who even knows, I'm feeling pretty amped right now but I'm pretty sure because Bill Clinton was there and I did that there may be a shot of me getting on the first 91 dollar bill and making it rain with L-Deezy's from the beaches of Cali all the way to the shores of South Fratfrica. People were no doubt getting really real back home in the States and partaking in all sorts of rowdy activities once that biscuit found its home. Fellow bros of America: I did this for you. You know I had to let the tears flow. Bros cry, too. So valid.
To run it back a little bit, let's all recall the match against Slovenia where I scored probably the most American goal of all time. Well, before today at least. Coming up on the right, literally just created a live display of the most absurd top-ched twine snipe ever imagined. Keeper assumed the bender position and got out of the way because an absolute heater was cruising directly for his domeski on the way to top-shelf heaven right next to where God keeps the tobascbro sauce, bro. Dankest milk ever.
We're not done. It's not brover. We're doin' it. If we proved one thing out here over the past couple weeks, it's that nobody can hold down a group of bros who love freedom and have a penchant for chasing everything down until we score late. Sick.
Peace out. One Love. America.
*For those who are new and couldn't tell: Landon Donovan did not actually write this.