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Landon Donovan's Gold Cup Adventure of Epic Broportions

Dirty Tackle

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After a shock loss to Panama and an unsatisfying win over Guadeloupe, Landon Donovan has once again pounded out his thoughts on his latest adventure. The following is Landon's latest correspondence with his friends and family back home in California.

Yo what’s hood?

Been a lot of action flyin' around these past couple of days. First was the absolute debacle against Panama. I know I pulled a pretty legit “Bro Namath” in my last writing when I guaranteed the win for my dudes, but I didn’t know we were gonna come out like a bunch of pussy cats. All I can really do is abrahlogize for the performance and say we’re only gonna do it live from here on out. And that’s pretty much what we did against Guadeloupe last night. Bottom line: game was on the line and we came through with the result. All it took was one ripski from Brozy and we could Cruis'n USA to victory. Sure we would have liked to make the ball touch the lingerie a few more times, but sometimes you just don’t get those breaks. And other times Clint Dempsey is trying too hard to get his swag on. It’s whatever -- that swag is the reason he’s one of our illest players and def the best player in the Premiership.

Anyway, it’s been cool chaying out with some of the new dudes on the squad. Juany Agudelo is a bro. Eric Lichaj has a dope faux hawk. And Chris Wondolowski not only has a sweet last name, but he’s also just like my MLS boy Brian Ching. So naturally we get a long. The only difference is lowski doesn’t catch as many nose bleeds. Pretty sure he snorts when he laughs though.

People are ragging on big daddy Bradley, saying we haven’t been in the best run of form and ish. I say we’ve played three good halves in a row and people need to chillax. I would have scored last night if I wanted to, but then I realized that, although the scenario was kind of the same, this wasn’t nearly as cool as the Algeria match, and I should probably just chill and wait until some bigger game comes around. Mexibros -- I’m comin' for you.

Next up is Jamaica, which should be a pretty sick time. I’ve listened to Bob Marley before so I’m pretty sure all those guys are chill. Maybe we’ll “hang out” after the game or something once I shred their D like wheat based cereal.

Peace out. One love.

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