ITV had former Gillingham and Notts County manager Martin Allen in studio as an FA Cup pundit on Saturday, giving him a chance to show off his multi-colored checkerboard sweater vest. As repellant as other humans might find this garment, one spider in ITV's studio apparently found it very attractive and couldn't help but crawl all over it while Allen spoke — completely oblivious to THE SPIDER ON YOUR SHIRT! IT'S ON YOU, MARTIN! AH! IT'S CRAWLING TOWARDS YOUR FACE! OH MY GOD! RUN, GORDON STRACHAN! IT'S NOT TO LATE TO SAVE YOURSELF! RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!
Though Allen did survive this horrifying encounter, the spider apparently did continue crawling up into his ear, where it feasted on the part of the brain that reassures him of Manuel Pellegrini's name.
Martin Allen: "I'm sure Pellegrini, or whatever his name is...." — Graham Ruthven (@grahamruthven) January 5, 2014
Anyway, the lesson here is that if ITV ever asks you to be a pundit, watch out for the brain eating spiders. And wear something nice.
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- Martin Allen