FIFA has announced the winning slogans that will appear on the buses for each of the 32 teams at the World Cup in Brazil. As you might expect from a competition with a corporate tie-in, they are underwhelming at best and bad enough to hope the players walk to every game at worst. So, we've compiled a list of alternatives that the participating nations will hopefully keep in their hearts.
Real slogan: "Desert warriors in Brazil."
Alternative slogan: "You think it's hot here? That's cute..."
Real slogan: "Not just a team, we are a country."
Alternative: "We're here to pee in your punch bowl, Brazil."
Real slogan: "Socceroos: hopping our way into history!"
Alternative: "Socceroos: Hopefully our cutesy nickname lulls you into a false sense of confidence so we can maybe take a point."
Real slogan: "Expect the impossible!"
Alternative: "Yep, he plays for us too."
BOSNIA AND HERZEGOVINA
Real slogan: "Dragons in our heart, dragons on the field"
Alternative: "We've got more dragons than Game of F***ing Thrones!"
Real slogan: "Brace yourselves! The 6th is coming!"
Alternative: "If we lose, you all have exactly 10 minutes to leave."
Real slogan: "A lion remains a lion."
Alternative: "Can a lion ever not be a lion? What if it's a zebra? Think about that."
Real slogan: "Chi chi chi! Le le le! Go Chile."
Alternative: The slogan above cannot be improved.
Real slogan: "Here travels a nation, not just a team!"
Alternative: "Sofia Vergara."
Real slogan: "My passion is football, my strength is my people, my pride is Costa Rica."
Alternative: "This bus can talk. Repent."
Real slogan: "Elephants charging towards Brazil!"
Alternative: "Didier Drogba is here to bring peace and score goals. And peace can wait."
Real slogan: "With fire in our hearts, for Croatia all as one!"
Alternative: "You can play chess on our shirts!"
Real slogan: "One commitment, one passion, only one heart, this is for you Ecuador!"
Alternative: "We qualified ahead of Uruguay!"
Real slogan: "The dream of one team, the heartbeat of millions!!"
Alternative: "We don't expect to win, but someone is getting sacked if we don't."
Real slogan: "Impossible is not a French word."
Alternative: "Thank God Raymond Domenech isn't here."
Real slogan: "One nation, one team, one dream!"
Alternative: "We didn't bring Mario Gomez, but we will always have his song." (bus plays Mario Gomez song like an ice cream van)
Real slogan: "Black stars: here to illuminate Brazil."
Alternative: "Black stars: causing the USA's nightmares since 2006."
Real slogan: "Heroes play like Greeks."
Alternative: "Greeks play like buses. Hero buses."
Real slogan: "We are one country, one nation, five stars on the heart."
Alternative: "Five stars on the heart, five toes up your backside!"
Real slogan: "Honor of Persia."
Alternative: "We had nothing to do with that terrible Jake Gyllenhaal film."
Real slogan: "Let's paint the FIFA World Cup dream blue."
Alternative: "GAZE UPON ANDREA PIRLO AND LET THE JEALOUSY WASH OVER YOU."
Real slogan: "Samurai, the time has come to fight!"
Alternative: This cannot be improved. If the World Cup was awarded to the team with the best slogan, they would just send Japan the trophy now.
Real slogan: "Enjoy it, Reds!"
Alternative: "Gangnam Style: now you have it stuck in your head and the world is putty in our hands! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Real slogan: "Always united, always Aztecas."
Alternative: "Gracias, Graham Zusi! Gracias so much!"
Real slogan: "Real men wear orange."
Alternative: "Just to be clear: Louis van Gaal would really, really, really love to be Manchester United's next manager. All Man United offers can be submitted to his personal email address: BetterThanMoyes69@hotmail.nl. He will accept any terms immediately."
Real slogan: "Only together we can win."
Alternative: "'The only thing better than an eagle is a Super Eagle.' — A scientist."
Real slogan: "The past is history, the future is victory."
Alternative: "Ronaldo is brilliant, Pepe is kill."
Real slogan: "No one can catch us."
Alternative: No words, just this picture of Andrei Arshavin...
Real slogan: Inside our hearts, the passion of a champion."
Alternative: "Xavi is always judging you. He knows about those websites you look at."
Real slogan: "Final stop: 07-13-14 Maracana!"
Alternative: "Honestly, we don't know how we're ranked 8th in the world either."
Real slogan: "Three million dreams...let's go Uruguay."
Alternative: "1950 LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL"
Real slogan: "United by team, driven by passion."
Alternative: "Now 75% more German!"
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