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Dirty Tackle

The highly questionable personal beliefs of Premier League managers

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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Sunderland's appointment of Paolo Di Canio as the club's new manager has proven controversial given the Italian's past comments about being a fascist. But what about the less publicized personal beliefs of other Premier League managers? Here is a list of them all for your scrutinizing pleasure...

Arsene Wenger, Arsenal: Believes that society should not covet material goods like trophies or coats with working zippers that fit properly and anyone who does so should be fitted with a muzzle.

Paul Lambert, Aston Villa: Believes that Christian Benteke is the omnipotent savior of all mankind (in the West Midlands).

Rafa Benitez, Chelsea: Believes that free speech is wrong and that the word "interim" should be stricken from the dictionary.

David Moyes, Everton: Believes that gingers will one day rule the earth with a freckled fist of mercilessness.

Martin Jol, Fulham: Believes we should explicitly legalize sex with aliens from other universes now so we don't have to waste time debating the matter in the future.

Brendan Rodgers, Liverpool: Believes that "The Office" is an actual documentary about the corporate world's best manager of people.

Roberto Mancini, Man City: Believes that physical violence against subordinates is perfectly fine.

Alex Ferguson, Man United: Believes that if you kill a man after the sun goes down, you haven't committed a crime.

Alan Pardew, Newcastle United: Believes that England should become a territory of France.

Chris Hughton, Norwich City: Believes Nickelback is an underrated band.

Harry Redknapp: Believes that literacy is pointless and children should be taught to "run around a bit" instead of learning math. Also that if your dog is clever enough to have a bank account in another country, you shouldn't have to pay taxes.

Nigel Adkins, Reading: Believes that relegation and all other negative consequences for misfortune should be outlawed. And he totally believed that before this season, too. Honest.

Mauricio Pochettino, Southampton: Believes that the tomato should be classified as a vegetable instead of a fruit.

Tony Pulis, Stoke City: Believes governments should mandate that all men, women and children take part in their local fight club.

Michael Laudrup, Swansea City: Believes that everything is pretty easy.

Andre Villas-Boas, Tottenham Hotspur: Believes that Gareth Bale should be allowed to dive all he wants. And that Roman Abramovich is an ugly jerkface.

Steve Clarke, West Bromwich Albion: Believes that Peter Odemwingie isn't a disruptive force.

Sam Allardyce, West Ham United: Believes that hardcore pornography is the only valid artistic form.

Roberto Martinez, Wigan Athletic: Believes that the Premier League season should only last from March to May.

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