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    Dirty Tackle

    Future News: Jose Mourinho plans victory parade through Barcelona

    Cristiano Ronaldo celebrates with Jose Mourinho. (Getty)

    Having opened up a 10-point advantage over second-place Barcelona, Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho has begun organizing a victory parade through the Catalan capital to celebrate his club's first La Liga title since 2008. Though the parade will not go off until the end of the season in May, Mourinho has already started making unprecedented arrangements to hold a title celebration in a rival city.

    "Some people say, 'Jose, why not have parade in Madrid with Madrid fans?' And to that I say shut up," Mourinho told Spanish sports paper Marca when asked about his plan. "We will have parade through Barcelona. I will take refreshing shower in Sergio Busquets' tears while laughing at UNICEF children. I can't wait."

    FC Barcelona, the winners of the last three La Liga titles, have lodged a complaint with the city over Mourinho's plans. But the Real Madrid manager has already obtained the necessary permits for a parade route that will weave through the city and end at the Camp Nou three days after it begins. The entire team will ride atop a float shaped like Real Madrid winger Jose Maria Callejon.

    Mourinho also says that several prominent members of the Catalan club will be invited as "guests of honor."

    "Leo Messi can come. We made a baby-sized Ronaldo shirt for him to wear. [Gerard] Pique can come and bleed on Shakira's shoulder. [Pep] Guardiola can come, too. I will even present him with a wig made of my hair that he can wear to feel more special. It will be beautiful."

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    20 comments

    • Marek  •  Tuxedo Park, New York  •  3 months ago
      What happened to your satirical pieces? I thought you didn't report news.
    • Brett  •  3 months ago
      I was scrolling up the page so I didn't see the future news title and started reading it and thought it was legit until I got to the UNICEF kids part. I don't know what to think about that or about Mou in general anymore..
      • Bill 3 months ago
        These "Future News" articles usually bring the flame, but not today for some reason. I would have thought that R.M./Barca would elicit some especially hostile responses, but everyone seems to be clear on the concept.

        Frankly, it's making me nervous...
    • quebec  •  Madrid, Spain  •  3 months ago
      What about Pepe? He could be the cotton candy guy
    • gruber  •  3 months ago
      Is Tito Vilanova invited too?
      • Brooks 3 months ago
        His eyes are.
      • Suddern 3 months ago
        A reliable source has informed me that Mr Vilanova has accepted the invitation and has already processed a specialised order for protective eye glasses made of glass and diamonds.
      • gruber 3 months ago
        Just makes me wonder what our mustachio'd overseer is up to these days
    • ivan  •  Portland, Oregon  •  3 months ago
      Will Xavi not attend because Cesc will probably be suffering?
    • yvette  •  Larkspur, California  •  3 months ago
      LOL!!! Love it! One of the best Future News features ever...
    • m.m.  •  3 months ago
      Best line:

      "I will take refreshing shower in Sergio Busquets' tears while laughing at UNICEF children. I can't wait."
    • Ayodele  •  Hafnarfjarðarkaupstaður, Iceland  •  3 months ago
      Mourinho is really a master mind game player..I will always respect his approach
    • heally  •  Colorado Springs, Colorado  •  3 months ago
      haha that's a good one
    • musah  •  Dubai, United Arab Emirates  •  3 months ago
      jose mourinho is the world class c
    • jane doe  •  3 months ago
      laugh all you want ... this will happen. the victory parade, i mean. hala madrid!!!!!
    • ERIC  •  Nairobi, Kenya  •  3 months ago
      If I had the chance i would probably have done the same
    • Robertinho  •  New York, New York  •  3 months ago
      LMAO funny stuff
    • iggy  •  3 months ago
      Well, Real Mad better win it this year because next year they'll be absent mercenaries Ronaldo and Mourinho. But they still can't beat Barcelona. Pretty shallow way of winning a title.
      • m.m. 3 months ago
        ahh, here is that whining that was to be expected when youre 10pts back.Cmon #$%$ lets see some tears... c'mon cry for us....you know you want to.
      • ivan 3 months ago
        Iggy, You do know the teams play 38 league games right?
      • iggy 3 months ago
        Given that you've cried your eyes out three years in a row, maybe you could refresh my memory on how it's done.
    • Liz  •  Brooklyn, New York  •  3 months ago
      Twenty bucks says the float ends up looking like Coentrao after they let Ramos drive it.
    • First NameTANUI  •  Nairobi, Kenya  •  3 months ago
      Go to hell with your stinking plan. Mental retards dream of something like this it is a game and u should show respect to your opponents no matter the size of your win
    • Ban ban  •  Iloilo City, Philippines  •  3 months ago
      having a 10 point lead gives you a big margin. mou should focus on the league itself not on barca...
    • JR st. Peter  •  Austin, Texas  •  3 months ago
      Thanks Brooks. you made me laugh at my own team today. Good piece mate.
      Is Pinto invited by any chance, or is his ponytail invited and not him?
    • Birendra  •  3 months ago
      Some Catalan newspaper reports Messi will not be able to attend the ceremony, but he'll make sure he sends his hands so that Pepe can.....
    • Franco Was atletico madri ...  •  Beverly Hills, California  •  3 months ago
      Brooks don't get the Barca fans started. They will believe this as real news and their obsession with Mourinho is unheard of. I read a post that Mourinho's name is most searched in Catalonia more than any other place, even more than in Porto, London and even Madrid! Cules are freaking crazy.

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