After scoring twice in the first half of Chelsea's Champions League group stage match against Racing Genk -- his first Champions League goals in two and a half years -- Fernando Torres has been declared "the bargain of the century" by leading financial firm Deloitte.
"Scoring two goals in one half of a Champions League group stage match against a Belgian club cannot be overvalued," said Deloitte analyst Edward Fibbleman. "It didn't even take him the entire half to score those two goals, either. He did it in a matter of 16 minutes. At that rate, it's perfectly reasonable to assess his present value at a minimum of £735 trillion. He could single-handedly save the world from an economic meltdown. And herpes."
The former Liverpool striker cost Chelsea a British transfer record £50 million in January and scored just one goal in his first 903 minutes of play with the club. Torres has now scored four times for Chelsea this season.
Asked if he now regrets selling Torres, Liverpool owner John W. Henry responded: "Not really. We got so much money for him that we didn't think twice about throwing £35 million at Newcastle for Andy Carroll. I can't imagine what we would've done with whatever Torres is valued at now. We probably would've just paid £175 million for Andy Carroll, actually."