On the heels of Tottenham's announcement of Mauricio Pochettino as the club's eighth manager since chairman Daniel Levy was appointed in 2001, the club has now named the next two head coaches who will follow Pochettino once he is inevitably sacked. According to the club, failed Manchester United boss David Moyes will succeed Pochettino and the man Pochettino replaces, Tim Sherwood, will follow Moyes on the condition that he grows a mustache long enough to cover his mouth in the interim.
"Expecting a manager to remain with one club for as long as Sir Alex Ferguson or Arsene Wenger these days is simply impractical," Levy told reporters while wearing a black cloak and holding a scythe. "So to prepare for all of the premature dismissals that will inevitably occur during the course of a full season, and ensure smooth transitions in those times of change, we now have two additional managers signed to contracts and ready to take over at a moment's notice. This way if our current manager becomes the butt of jokes in the press, the object of scorn from the fans or if I suddenly decide that the look of his face is really annoying to me, we can introduce the new coach before the old one is even out the door. Soon this will be common practice for all clubs — just like selling your best player and using that money to buy seven guys who can't even spell 'Real Madrid'."
When asked about the unusual arrangement, David Moyes said, "To be honest I'm just happy to have a job where all the pressure is on someone else. And for the record, I definitely will not invite Mauricio to a wine bar and beat him senseless just so I can take over. I'm not that type of manager."
Third in line Tim Sherwood added: "If Pochettino and Moyes both get poisoned, it definitely wasn't me, Tim Sherwood, winningest and intelligentest Spurs manager of all time. I will admit that I have recently bought some poison, but I'm using it for, uh, something else."
Pressed on what would happen if Spurs go through all three managers before the 2014/15 season ends, Levy said he was "63 percent sure" it wouldn't come to that.
This has been Future News: news from the future.
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